Never Ending

Convocation's suppose to mark the end of studies. The grandeur of the ceremony, the preparations, the number of family members coming over to take millions of pictures with you wearing your graduation robe, the announcement of your name, makes it all sounds like it the end of everything. Life will be rosy here on.

Wrong.

For me I started working before my convocation, and I have been exposed to the difficulties of the working life.

It's not the end. It's only the beginning.

But maybe this is the opportunity to celebrate. For in today's world, a degree means between moderate living and poverty. How small a gap. So perhaps my graduation should be celebrated. Perhaps I should be grateful.

For I am the product of my parents, the friends I meet, the teachers whom have taught me diligently, the strangers I chat with, the patients I met, dying and dead, the electronic media I have been exposed to. My success in graduating marks their success. It is a celebration for them.

Only its not over.

And where I go from now on is still a product of various factors around me. We are a product of an intricate system so complex that it is impossibly beyond our understanding. There's always that small nail on the road, the one that can either cause a flat tire, a highway pile-up, or nothing. These small factors may make a whole lot of difference in where we end up. The people we meet may make or break where we want to be.

Thanks Allah. Thanks everybody. For without, I am naught. And here on I shall continue to be a success.

----------------------------------------------------------

Still in the Womb

I just read an excerpt from an article by Malik Badri which conincides with my "favourite posting", O&G. Thought I'd share my thoughts which was actually his.

Look at your umbilicus. Remember what it once was?

Our plug. Our life support

We started in our mothers womb (Bless our mothers), connected to her for nutrients, waste dumping, oxygen, metabolic regulations. We were dependant, parasites living in our own cramped cozy world. While we were in the womb, we never knew what was out there. I suppose that's why we cry the time we come out, because we are scared and unfamiliar with this new life.

Now is not that different.

We still are in a womb. The world we live in is the uterus, the vessel, our body we live in is our placenta, connected by an invisible plug.

We are still dependant.

While we are here, we don't know what's in the next world when the plug is pulled. Then our vessels will be shed, useless, buried. Then we will journey to the next in which the outcome depends on what our lives before is like.

The moment we indulge and forget about Allah, He will make us forget about the next world and the purpose of life in this world we live in. Nauzubillah that does not happen to us.

Our plugs can be pulled at any time. When Khiamat (Judgement Day) comes, it will be like a uterine rupture only a zillion times worst..

Birthday Wishes and Current Status

Hi Guys,

First of all thanks to dad for the broadband and my bros for coming all the way to bring it here. Aku cam malas nak go shopping and bli satu. So this is indeed a convenience.

So Im back Online!!!

I dont normally celebrate birthdays but this is a record for me in receiving birthday wishes. Tqs guys.

How have I been? Ill try to sum it up.

KK, Sabah is a very nice place to live in. I really really am considering to stay here long term depending on several factors. That is how much KK has an impression on me.

Work wise however is a bit different. The first few weeks especially during tagging I was in depression mode. I didnt know what to do and started to doubt my choice of doing medicine and even considered quitting. It is that stressful or at least for me. But now I kinda get the hang of a few stuff working has become not only tolerable but fun in some cases. I try to keep myself updated by studying online and getting to know interesting cases to share with my other colleague across the sea. KK, Sabah is a hot bed for interesting cases. Here eclampsia is common, and abruption happens everyday. Goiters are so damn huge! And the number of birth per months here is extravagant! last month the hospital broke record of over 1000 over birth. Not sure about other hospitals but it was crazy here.

It's not all work life. Still watch movies, read novels, and go brdwatching and pretty soon outdoors. Sabah provide that kind of opportunity to river raft, jungle trek, caving, or just relax on an island or whatever.

With Allah's blessing Ill try to be the best I can over here and achieve all that I sort to achieve. Right now at this level I am aware that I am weak in many ways when it comes to work and other things but I shall try to improve.

Am not coming back for Raya, though I am coming back for convocation in early October for a few days.

Again thanks guys. Hope to keep in touch!

Its been awhile

Wow its been awhile since I blogged.

I hav this sense of deja vu. Like wat iv been doing before this is unreal. Now is reality.

I guess ill be blogging again. Usually during long toilet breaks. Its called the thinking seat anyway (shrug)

Thisll keep me sane.

Its been awhile

Wow its been awhile since I blogged.

I hav this sense of deja vu. Like wat iv been doing before this is unreal. Now is reality.

I guess ill be blogging again. Usually during long toilet breaks. Its called the thinking seat anyway (shrug)

Thisll keep me sane.

Its been awhile

Wow its been awhile since I blogged.

I hav this sense of deja vu. Like wat iv been doing before this is unreal. Now is reality.

I guess ill be blogging again. Usually during long toilet breaks. Its called the thinking seat anyway (shrug)

Thisll keep me sane.

Still On the Road

Breaks coming to an end.

I've been on the road almost all around Malaysia. With family, friends, mostly alone.

The beauty of Malaysia's ambitious skyscrapers, carpet emerald forests, limestones, and still more roads give me the much needed solace I need. Much needed reflection I desired. Not in the city though, which I so long to escape.

I take off lika bird, spreading wings free. Sometimes nostalgia accompanied me, a lot of times thoughts and sleep. Yes, I sleep along the way. Dreaming of what lies ahead. Dreaming of what I shall become.

And I wondered. What dreams am I trying to achieve with my constant wanderings? Am I on the right track? Or have I derailed?

It was only later near the end of this break I discovered another road I've been walking on. The road to discover my inner self, what my purpose in this world is. It's not that I didn't know, just that I have forgotten, derailed.

I get and got lost along the way. Both roads. I make wrong stops. Bust a tire or two. And things never get easy at times. The road can be harsh when it wants to be. But worst is always when I get lost. And I forget, that when I'm lost, I should refer to a map. Or better yet, ask for directions. 'He' provides good directions. It's a matter of whether we ask for it or not.

Don't be foolish. We need Guidance.

So where's the end?

Death.

We live to die. And live again. Another road awaits us after death.

This life/world/dream we live in is just a means to an end. Our end here.

I don't think it goes on forever. There will be a permanent stop. And by the time we do reach the End, have our journey prepared us enough to face what lies thereafter?

I'm exiting, only to enter a new broad highway. Again this will be a journey of a lifetime. Though how much time I have in my life is unknown. Lifetime is a misnomer. It sounds so long. It's not.

I won't be arrogant.

I'll seek Guidance and Directions along the way.

Because I wanna reach the end gloriously. Or die trying.

New Blog: Les'ouseau

Les'ouseau

Hope it works!

----------------------------

Visiting Graves in Islam

We visit graves everytime, while burying someone, when visiting the grave of a love one, or when just accompanying someone. But we are unaware of some of the things we do that are just wrong. I'm not an expert but here are a few stuff I'd like to share from my readings in a book and from the net. These are common issues I've observed when visiting graves. There are other issues I did not include that I hope the reader research on them on their own.

1. Why do we visit graves?

Buraydah related that Allah's Messenger saw said, " I forbade you from visiting graves, but you may now visit them, for in visiting them there is a reminder of death." (Sahih Muslim, Sunan Abu Dawood)

To me visiting graves had never been about visiting the person at the grave. They're dead. There's nothing you can except pray if you are his/her sons and daughters (3 things that goes with you to the grave). Visiting graves has always been about reminding yourself how short our lives are and how close to death we are. You are even permitted to visit the grave of a non-Muslim but prohibited in praying for them as it serve as a reminder and reflection. Even the Prophet was not allowed to pray for his own mother.

I'm uncertain of the reason for the earlier prohibition, so I welcome anybody with the info.

2. Doa

General doa should be made to all in the Muslim grave.

Muhammad ibn Qays quoted 'Aisyah as saying: I asked: How should I pray for them, O Messenger of Allah? He replied, "Say: [Peace be on the believer and Muslim inhabitants of this city, may Allah have mercy on those who went before us and those coming after. Indeed we will - Allah willing - be joining you] (Doa in Arabic translated) (Sahih Muslim)

HOWEVER

It is prohibited from facing the grave during supplication.

Aboo Marthad al-Ghanawee quoted Allah's Messenger saw as saying, "Don't pray towards grave nor sit on them." Prayers should be done to Allah, facing the direction of Kaabah, not to the deceased facing his grave. The deceased is not God. And he can't hear you. Do not make the deceased you God for it is shirk. this applies to any 'saints' grave and even the Prophet's saw (commonly done during Umrah or Hajj).


THERE IS NO BASIS OF READING THE AL-QURAAN IN GRAVES (Al-Fatihah, Yasin or whatever)

3. Walking between graves

Not many people know this or are ignorant. I just recently found out too.

Basheer, the freed slave of Allah's Messenger saw said, "While I was walking with the Prophet saw, he passed by the graves of the pagans and said three times,' They left behind abundant good.' then he passed by the graves of the Muslims and said, 'They attained abundant good.' The Prophet saw then saw a man walking among the graves wearing sandals, so he called out, 'O you wearing sandals, beware! Remove your sandals!' The man looked around and he recognized Allah's Messenger saw, he took off his sandals and threw them away. (Sunan Ibd Majah, and Saheeh ABu Dawood)

You should not walk between the graves of the Muslims wearing your shoes. It was narrated that ‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If I were to walk on hot coals or on a sword, or if I were to mend my shoes using my feet, that would be better for me than if I were to walk on the grave of a Muslim. And it makes no difference to me if I were to relieve myself in the midst of the graves or in the middle of the market-place [i.e., both are equally bad].’” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1567)
Walking between graves with shoes on is equivalent to pissing or shitting on a grave or in public. So take off those shoes.

4. Annual visit to graves

Is also prohibited.

Aboo Hurayrah narrated that The Prophet saw said, "Don't make you houses graveyards, nor make my grave a place of celebration, and ask Allah's blessing for me, because it will reach me wherever you may be." (Saheeh Sunan Abu Dawood)

Remember the reason for visiting graves. Don't make it into an annual event.


5. Planting twigs on graves

This is not a Muslim or Islamic practice but a non-Muslim practice and should be avoided.

Now here's an exception and a story (lesson):

Ibn 'Abbaas reported that the Prophet saw once passed by the graves of two men who were being punished in their graves and said, "They are not being punished for a major sin. One didn't use to protect himself from the splatter of urine and the other used to spread rumors." He then took a green leaf of a date-palm tree, split it into two pieces, and planted one on each grave. The people asked, "O Messenger of Allah! Why have you done this?" He replied, "Perhaps it will reducetheir punishment as long as it remains green." (Sahih Al-Bukhari)

Scholars believed that this act was specifically for the Prophet as his act was blessed and could reduce the punishment of the two men. Non of the sahabats practiced this, and so we should not too.


5. Other Innovations

- Recital of Surah Al-Fatihah, Al-Baqarah and the last verses at the deceased head and feet. False hadith.
- Talqeen (telling the dead the say la illah ha illallah). He/She's dead. Can't hear you.
- Building structures over graves or placing gravestones to indicate the name and family of the dead. Money better spent on the living.
- Reciting azan at the grave. (Macam byk kat cita melayu je..)
- Recital of Yaseen at graveyards. Mentioned earlier.


There are other issues related to Funerals in Islam not mentioned here. I hope this has been helpful. Any mistakes I made please forgive me and correct me. Allah knows best.


References:
- Dr. Abu Ameenah Bilal Philips, Funeral Rites in Islam (1996), A. S. Noordeen
- http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/14287

-----------------------------

Grouches of the Day

1. RM 5 for a chop and signature

Got my surat Akuan Sumpah signed. For RM 5! Seriously they charge RM 5 for signing a few things and chop the paper in about 3 seconds. That's F****** extortion! I remember when my car got banged I ended up payin almost RM 60 - 80 to the police for documents and whatever. And I was the guy who got banged! Now I pity the other guy, as he had to fork out RM 300 in addition. No wonder people rather settler things without the police mediation cuz these guys are SHARKS!
2. Getting lost and tolls

Ok, not being able to find my way and going thru all the tolls maybe my bad, but my GOD there's just sooooo many freaking tolls. And that's within the Klang Valley! WTF!!

3. Toilets
Guys! If you can't piss straight then sit! Makes me wonder if your pants are clean or you just don't giva damn. I'd very much like to shop off these dicks. Then WTF is up with the toilet design where you twist the knob and a fountain comes spraying your ass?! It's not ergonomic at all! How the hell are you supposed to clean the anterior part of the perineum that way? And how I know the pipes been dump with shit?

On the Road

I take flight on the open road
Just like millions others
As if with purpose
With wings of steel, unopposed

The wind roars in my ears
Silencing noises I'm used to
As I scream of melodies
Of aging nostalgic memories

Rows of concrete rising high
Carpet green, never ending sky
Wandering others like me
Passed them by alongside memories

In his box of 31 thousand flavours bitter sweet
It's sometimes nice to view things from isolation
There's more room to think, to live
There's even more time to believe

Am I sure I fly with wings of steel?
Or am I just falling as my feathers peel?
Did I realize where lies my goal?
Or am I just a poor lost soul?

Please take me back!
To where I'm ought to be
Just anywhere, or everywhere
As long as I get there

Please give me everything!
of anything and nothing else
For this trip into the unknown
Which I travel alone

I am grateful
I have my feet and my tires
and a burning desire

I am hateful
For these sins that I carry
Til the day that I'm buried...

alive...

I'm alive...

Stil alive to make a difference
Set my second chances
Til my final breath said
Til my light burns dead

Please don't take us away
While we're off road, astray
Oh, Lord take our hands and guide us
Back on the Straight Road of Redemption

-------------------------------------------

To Start Birding

What I Need To Start Birding:

- Good 5 senses
- Good binocs
- Good field guide
- Malaysia birds checklist on my BB
- Birding note book
- Learn more and more and more!
- Enthusiasm!


Heck, if I can start birding, I might as well start collecting diseases during my HO and later my whole career and start recording them and catalogue and photo. Time to plan and prepare!

Another Hallux Valgus at the Mosque

It was this morning after Subuh Prayers at the mosque I came upon this man (in his 50s?). He looked familiar rather... I looked at his feet and saw two hallux valgi bilateral. That kept me thinking, hey, could this be the same Pakcik Plastic Surgeon I met a while back?

So I greeted him with a salam and he replied.

"Excuse me, are you the doctor I met awhile back?"

"No, you mistook me for another person."

Hallux valgus memang common. I think if I threw a stone, it would hit one person in the mosque with hallux valgus. I have some minor degree of hallux valgus!

But then the pakcik was friendly enough and asked if I was still working. No, I just graduated. Where? UIA. You're doing law? No, medicine. Oh!

My daughter was in UIA. What course? Medicine. She's 5 years older doing her Masters in Ortho in UM. Her names, Rifa (?) Aqidah. Small world.

I think there are a few doctors in the mosque now, a neurosurgeon, a plastic surgeon and the famous gynecologist Dr Hamid.

Doctors (consultants) under one roof. A fraternity of surgeons under one roof. Hopefully a pediatric surgeon soon.

I couldn't help thinking Masyallah. Pakcik's name's Subehan (apologies if I spelled wrongly). Then we went our separate ways.

Lesson: Don't identify a person by his feet. Look up.


-----------------------------------

IMAM Symposium 2010

I am honoured to be able to participate in this year's IMAM meet. The presence of many prominent figures, IMAM's president, Prof. Dr. Abd Rasheed, Prof. Dr. Hafeez (from PAkistan coming here despite having his mother undergoing surgery at the same time), Prof. Dr. Zabidi, Prof. Dr. Moktar, Prof. Dr. Mohammed Hatta, Prof. Dr. Wan Hazmy and at the end Dato. Prof. Dr. Mohd Tahir. Alot of the HTAA consultants and UIA lecturers were also present including Prof Dr. Mohammed Fauzi, Dr. Fadzil, Dr. Sapari, Dato Zahari, and many more including HOs who are now MOs when I last met them in 3rd year and a Dr coming all the way from Sri Lanka just for the talk and a lot of medical students.

The participation of many prominent figures (I hava feeling I don't know many more tadi that attended) certainly made this event not to be looked down upon. It is a gathering of Muslim doctors in an attempt to discuss/share/promote whatever they have to present to elevate the Muslim physician in order to strive for excellence.

I am sure each has their own obligations at the hospital or wherever but these individuals have demonstrated great charisma and capability to still participate in 'extra-curricular' activities other than their compulsory work.

All these work are a part of their investment for the hereafter. After all, is not sadaqah jariah and knowledge that is used even after death are 2 of the stocks after death where pahala still cashes in?

During my, so far, 2 days of attending some of the talks, most that I went to promoted the importance of activism after undergraduate years. And the speakers have indeed convinced me that it is not only beneficial but must be done in order to better serve the Ummah. The talks had made me rethink my priorities and my objective in this life and the one after. Will working alone, rearing family be enough while I can do much more?

There are just too many things to share and I am quite tired, but one quote I would like to share coming from Prof. Dr. Hafeez:

On no man will Allah place a burden more than he can bear.

"Allah knows your limits but that does not necessary mean that you must not try find out your potential."

It is my hope that I and my friends will strive not only at work later but also do the extra things in order to excel in this life and the hereafter.

Wallahualam.

Be as though you're a wayfarer

Hadith 40 (Nawawi)

On the authority of Abdullah bin Omar, who said: The messenger of Allah took me by the shoulder and said: "Be in the world as though you were a stranger or a wayfarer."

The son of Omar used to say: "At evening do not expect [to live till] morning, and at morning do not expect [to live till] evening. Take from your health for your illness and from your life for your death."

related by Bukhari

My own comments:

When I first read this, I was kind of confused with what the statement meant (I read the Indonesian version first; Jadilah Orang Asing [???]). I mean why become a foreigner? But this ones straight forward. This world's a transit. A terminal at the airport. You in someone else crib. And you're a stranger. This place doesn't belong to you. You should therefore respect the place. And since it's temporary and this place is unknown (you're a stranger remember?), so plan ahead to survive. Plan ahead for the next destination. It could mean some point ahead in time. As well as your final one. You never know how long you'll be here. Make every second count. Because there's no going back.

My Idols in Medicine

American Idol and all that junk is just bullshit. Not one person in any of the shows I can make an idol of. Mebe Simon for bein loose with his tongue.

List of Drs I've encountered or heard of that I wish to emulate. No names will be mentioned tho you may be able to guess a few:

• Handsome, macho, cool, kind, keeps his team together, encourage open discussions, does what he does because he likes doing it (Peds Surgeon)
• Straight forward. Disciplined. "Wrong." (Colorectal Surgeon)
  
• Encourages doctors to be courteous at all times (Vascular Surgeon)
• Encourages to think and put yourself in a patient's shoes. "What if the patient is your mother? your sister? [man?]" (Upper GI Surgeon/Hepatobiliary Surgeon)
• Invites students to sit and discuss cases (Peds Surgeon)
• Stays kiddy and silly while being professional at the same time (Pediatrician)
• Good handwriting and documentation (O&G)
• Passion to teach, finds students to teach even tho it should be the other way round (O&G, fertility)
  
• Professional and courteous, never forcing a patient against his will (IM, chest team)
• Strive to be the best and attach to students with passion to teach while finding time to watch Anime and TV series (Ortho, Hand Surgeon)
• Encourage students to perform research (Ortho, Arthroplastic Surgeon)
• Encourage Islamic conducts, ethics, and revival of Islamic scholarship and publication (Anesthesiologist)
• Cool, calm, macho (ENT)
• Encourage self confidence, and strive to be the best, as well as perform research (2 opthalmologist)
• Goes back to the community and sacrifice time to help them (Family Medicine)
• Skillful, patient first attitude, couldn't give a damn about hospital policy (Cardiosurgeon, Team Medical Dragon, Peds Surgeon, Saijou No Meii [The Best Skilled Surgeon])
• Other countless Islamic physicians of old and other non-Muslims who dedicated their life for the pursuit of knowledge not only in medicine but in other areas of ilm without knowing the meaning of 'holiday'
  

Some quotes that stuck with me:

• Attitude, attitude, attitude, knowledge
• "Regardless of where you are (be posted) it is you who will make the difference for yourself."
• "Practice - Waking up early."
• "Cover your ass"
• "I have research, commitment to the community, a family, teaching you all. What do you have? And still you sleep."
• "Wrong."
• "Hey! Who do you think you are making me look like a stupid fool! You have to have ethics!"
• "When you see yourself look good, you look good."

I'm sure there's more but these are some I could think of now.

Other stuff:

I just read a bit about Imam Syafie. Despite memorizing the Al-Muwatta kitab, he still traveled and lived with Imam Malik, the writer of the book. By living with his teacher, not only did he learn direct from his but also indirectly by observing his habits and emulating them.

Lessons:

- Don't be arrogant even if you have all the knowledge in the world. because there are still things you don't know and need someone to teach.
- Have an idol and emulate the good things you see in him. Don't be too content with who you are right now.
- When you want something, especially knowledge, you need to sacrifice some of the things in life. Imam Syafie travelled from Mecca to Madinah to find and live with Imam Malik (mind you dulu takde kereta or bus) and he was from Ghazza, Palestine.

-------------------------------------

Don'ts during World Cup 2010

Don't (in no particular order)

- Forget to Semayang Subuh or any of the other prayers (if you can wake-up at 2 - 3 am for football, why not for God?)

- Forget tomorrow (especially if it's a weekday) is another day (of work, school, responsibilities)

- Be an asshole / bitch (your team losing or being drunk is not an excuse)

- Be drunk

- Bet (if you lose have the courtesy to pay-up. pandan muka. and don't ask for money from others to pay your bet or get involved with any alongs)

- Overeat. Damn easy to drink those sponsored Pepsis and keep ordering kuey tiow (especially when watching at a local mamak or stalls) for the whole 40 minutes or more and by the time football seasons over, you'd have gained a few kgs and lose your mobility

- Lose yourselves (keep sane, don't go crazy unless your team scored a GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL in the finals)

- Forget to exercise. Sedentary lifestyle increases morbidity and mortality

- Waste money on useless trinkets. jerseys bole la kut

- Start throwing punches

- Cause a riot (whether your team won or lost. Usually its the former)

- Forget your girlfriends/wives. Kesian dorang. Get them involved. I know its not easy to leave football entirely

- Forget to watch a game of football (bila lagi?) (this ones from my brother)

In other words: World Cup 2010 is just an event in ANOTHER ORDINARY DAY! Don't get carried away by the hype and advertisement designed to empty your wallet and fill the coffers of the organizers by the time the games end. Just take the days just like any other days while enjoying ur teams playing.

Hava Happy World Cup.

---------------------------------

Plans, To What Ends?

Even before the Pro exam, all I did was plan and plan. Whether they are on paper or just stored in my mind (not very reliable in that case), that's what I did. When I planned, I felt somewhat in control. I at least felt I had a direction to follow.

I had purpose.

Or at least I thought I did.

• How far did I plan?
• How much of my plans have I executed?
• How much have I achieved?
• Were the outcomes worth it?
• Were my plans even worth the effort?
• Are they really important?

I wondered about that today. I couldn't recall the exact events that led me to this thought. Perhaps it was when I went to register for my Hajj. Now I remember. It was when I went to my grandmother's grave did I reflect that I was not prepared for life after death. I did not plan for it. Of course nobody could plan when they would die, but we should all prepare for the eventuality.

It hit me that most of my plans were sort of materialistic, although some important, but I noticed my plans were almost devoid of the development of my spiritual needs. Lacking any real preparations for the Hereafter. After all isn't this world just a transition to the next? A temporary terminal at the airport before the final eternal destination that awaits? Then why bog myself down with things that are insignificant, unimportant?

Again another self reminder of what needs to be done... Perhaps my plan this time should include the ultimate final outcome of my second life which what really matters in the end.

PLAN ---> EXECUTE ---> RESULTS ---> REVIEW ---> REPEAT



--------------------------

After 5 Years of Med School: Final Professional Exam

I'm having a sense of derealization
(definition: a feeling of unreality of one's surrounding environment. A symptom of panic attack in any panic disorders)

However I'm not anxious or having any panic attacks. Not anymore anyway (not the same can be said for the last few days tho).

I can hardly register that my 5 years of medical education is coming to an end. That the dreaded final professional exams has passed. And that I will be leaving for work, and with it a new life in a few weeks time.

It's been one hell ofa ride. This is my attempt at making a postmortem of my recent Professional Exam which supposedly evaluates your knowledge, understanding, experience, throughout 5 years of medicine.

First the bad: My final exam in medical school sucked big time.

Being the final exam, I was hoping that I could perform my best, you know like going out with a bang, making it my best exam performance whether it led to a distinction or not. But my finals were far from it.

It only took the revision period to reveal how little I knew of medicine. And disappointment sets in. Before that I was enveloped in a grandiosity that I could overcome anything that came to me during exams. Pretty unrealistic.

Exam day came. I started my first PMP with anxiety. Could not sleep the night before and made a mistake that I do not wish to disclose here but suffice to say, I had a heavy head that morning and couldn't think right. Tho I doubt if it would change my answers right. PMP from the first to the last (esp the O&G one which was supposed to be doggone easy turned to disaster when I calculated a wrong POA my several weeks as I thought we were now in the month of July!) was wrought with careless mistakes. In short PMP was a disaster.

OSCE wasnt as bad but wasnt as good either, again full of careless mistakes.

And with that my opportunity to 'score' my Pro. Part of me wished I would just failed the whole thing just so I could repeat the 6 months and have another go at it.

I was a wreck that day tho fortunately that didnt last long. I still had hope for MCQ anyways the week after. I always thought my MCQs were the best among my theory papers. But I sorely underestimated the Qs. Wasnt a smooth ride either. It didnt help that I didnt sleep the whole night and bcame manic from 4 am onwards, sleeping for 30 minutes at 7am before heading off for exams. I nodded of at the 50+ Q. Seriously I heard voices (hypnogogic hallucinations)and almost responded to them in the middle of exams!

Then to top it all of: clinical exams, the mother of all final exams, the one that really determines whether you pass or not.

My anxiety fluctuated while waiting for my time to come. Ironically though, When my time came for both long case or short case, not a trace of nervousness was present. I was clumsy here and there but never anxious. The presence of 4 consultants did not deter me. And all questions that I was unable to answer, I could not therefore blame on being nervous. It was simply, I didnt know enough. However this is not to say I didnt screwup my clinicals. I missed dx my long case with Graves Ds, missed a clonus on one side, and funbled a bit on the ovarian mass. Nevermind that there was a whole lot of Qs thrown that I was not able to answer.

At that moment nothing was certain. I could go either way whether a pass or a fail. I had to wait for the next day, to see if I made it or not... Ironically I didnt feel disappointed with myself post clinical exams despite the numerous blunders I have committed. I was too tired too feel disappointed I guess.

So any good points?

Some

Had a nice night swim under the stars the night after the horrible PMP and OSCE.
Bought a book after OSCE and finished it right before clinical exams.
Had fun swimming at Cherating before the final results announcement.

And now being officially a doctor. Yeah, I made it. Somehow.

Despite the many screwups, it only thought me to be more humble with myself and made me realize that theres a damn lot of stuff I didnt know. I just hope and pray that this will then keep me further motivated to be a good houseman later during work..

Medical School is coming to an end. Im sure that this phase of life will be sorely missed, especially when work starts. But life goes on.

The ending of med school only marks the beginning of a new phase of life.

My Good Students

You are my good students
Not because you never drift away
But you keep your track after a drift

You are my good students
Not because you never get lost
But you find your way after a loss

You are my good students
Not because you never make a mistake
But you make correction after a mistake

You are my good students
Not because you never fall down
But you stand up stronger after a fall

You are my good students
Not because you never cry
But you keep your composure after a cry

You are my good students
Not because you are that one-in-a-million person
But because you are ordinary persons with extraordinary attributes


Dedicated to 2010 batch
by Dr. Ahmad Marzuki Omar

....

Reach Out!

~YoU Can'T bE tOo CareFuL AnyMoRe
wHeN aLL thAt is wAiTinG foR YoU
WoN't cOmE aNY cLoSEr
YoU've GoT to
REACH OUT!
a little
MORE!
MORE!

pics from:
www.paramore.net

...

Nuclear-Tree

I really like this art. Nature and destruction.

Pow from Credit Onemanga.

Who Am I Again?

I'm a Muslim

But have I really embraced

ISLAM?



......

You Can Do It!

Islam and Popular Perceptions

Fundamentalist

Terrorist

Jihad and holy war

Suicide bombings

Dictatorship

Spread by the sword

Rogue states and axis of evil

Anti-democracy

Barbaric laws and hudud

Polygamy

Pedophilic prophet

Backward

Saddam Hussein

Women oppressors

Homophobes

Genital mutilation

Traditionalist

Trouble makers

Ahmadenijad

3rd world

Stupid

Irrelevant

Boring

Narrow-minded

The list may go on and on...

Let's change the perception.

Medical Manga

The Japs excel when it comes to comics. The quality is not just in the art but in the story and how it affects ones emotions towards the characters or the story as one reads along. If you read some of these, you can also appreciate that a good deal of research has been done to make the description as accurate or seem real enough for readers to believe. There are also some historical references in some of the comics again highlighting the amount of research done to produce these quality comics.

Imagination in the medical world thrives in these comics. Being in the medical field myself these comics help inspire in more than one ways. They also give new ideas to the field, sending a message that anything's possible.

Some of the summary and reviews of some of my favourite medical manga. Most of these can be read in onemanga.com


EMERGING


An outbreak of an unknown hemorrhagic disease breakout in Japan. Japan's CDC gets into action to figure out the cause of this outbreak and attempt to find a cure for this lethal disease. Word of the disease leaks into the media causing widespread panic among the public.

This ones on the public health aspect of medicine. The manga managed to capture the emotions and fear that strikes men when dealing with the unknown. Calm turns to chaos in mere moments. And then politics doesn't make things any easier. It never does.


HEADS


An unfortunate man one day was shot in the head during a bank robbery. He regained consciousness in the hospital to later find out that he had the world's first brain transplant.

Not really a medical manga per say but still interesting enough read. What happens when you have half of your brain taken out to be replaced with another? Will your personality change? Will you become someone totally different? Does your brain make you who you really are? More of a psychological thriller. Still early in the series but the psychological aspect of the story is told nicely so far.


Saijou No Meii (The Best Skilled Surgeon)

This ones about an aspiring young pediatric surgeon (my field!) whom with his skills and dedication attempts to revive a non-profiting peadiatric surgery department in his hospital while inspiring others to follow in his footstep.

As usual, the protagonist has special skills (in this case an ability to see things in 4D perspective) to effectively perform surgery on kids, a demanding surgery. Besides that his caring and charming personality with kids inspires one to do everything you can for a patient. As the protagonist attempts to establish the pediatric department, he has to face opposition from the hospital assistant director who attempts to derail his plans. The comic also provides a lot of historical references, one I like was on the contributions and sacrifices made by doctors in the past in the name of discovery. Has a cute heroine too =)


TEAM MEDICAL DRAGON



Asada, a brilliant surgeon is recruited by young and beautiful Asst Prof to help her finish her thesis on the Batista, a difficult cardiosurgery. Asada takes it one step further to recruit his own team members for the surgery at hand. Competition to take top post in the hospital management is rife and the ones already on top is not about to let go easily.

Like the protagonist in Saijou No Meii, the hero here also has a 'everything for the patient' attitude ,regardless if his decision might cost him his job, or his boss. The assistant professor meanwhile attempts to make her ambition of reforming Japanese health care come true as the current one is rife with feudalism and corruption to the detriment of patients. However to achieve that she has to get to the top first where political maneuvers are necessary. In this one, theres 2 HOT chicks. Reason enough to start reading.



Other medical mangas I haven't read like Black Jack might also be good. I'll be reading manga for a long time to come if the Japs keep up with fresh ideas like they are doing.

Failing Final Professional Exam: So What?

Haha senang aku cakap tapi sebenarnye takut gak fail.

Despite the low prevalence of failures in the past (avg 2 tho I don't have the exact numbers), its amazing how we translate this as us being one of the 1% (failing) instead of the 99% (passing).

What does failure actually means in that overall general perception?

• Starting work later by 6 months?
• Going through more years as a student? without our colleagues.
• Humiliation as others pass?
• Not achieving parent's / teacher's expectations?
• Sitting in the AGD while everyone else celebrate their graduation?
• More time staying in Kuantan?

Really why do we fear of failure for exams?


Can there be a different perception? Could failing means:

• We are not good enough, safe enough and need more time to improve.
• We get to enjoy more of student life for an additional 6 months before the hellish slave work of housemanship we have all heard.
• We get more attention from teachers to better focus on us and teach us more.
• Going through student life again without the trouble of going through seminars, logbooks and all that other burden that we get in addition to studies during usual postings.
• Getting to see more cases and more experience that we might have not come across during the course of our education.
• We get to have more time to share our knowledge and experience with our juniors (provided they trust you).
• We can to spend more time with whoever before being posted to wherever the hell we get.

When looking at a different perspective, failing isn't so bad. It just might make us better. Failures might just need a little more time to mature and grow and that catch-up growth might just help make us better doctors.

But it might not be fair of me to write this as although I've only had a push-up borderline pass for O&G during my 3rd year, I've never actually failed. Only others who have failed and repeated may better understand how it feels.

Having said that am I ready to eat my own words?

I hope we all will do our best for the upcoming exams. It's certainly not the end.

All The Best!

"Have faith in everything you do! My Prayers =) "

Abang Zul. Plight of the Society and Health Care.

I received a text message today from Dr Samsul this evening:

"Pesakit name Zulfikli tu sudah pun meninggal dunia ptg tadi."

We met Abang Zul the first time at KK Balok while we were undergoing our Family Medicine posting last year. He came for his regular diabetic check-up there. The last time I saw him and his mother was when he was admitted under nephrology in the medical ward I think earlier this year. He was undergoing dialysis.

The 32 year-old gentleman was diagnosed with diabetes since 11 years-old and had multiple complications related to diabetes including carbuncle, amputation, retinopathy, dyslipidemia, his latest complication being nephropathy and was under follow-up by multiple discipline including medicine, orthopedics, opthalmology, and dermatology. He was on insulin but his glucose level remained poorly controlled.

Ever since he was diagnosed his problems only progressed first taking his limbs, then his eyes, his kidney functions, then finally his life.
I'm not sure of the CoD but it might have been due to nephropathy as he was said to have uremic symptoms. A friend who was oncall in the A&E later told me that she met the patient who was brought in pulseless. Efforts to resuscitate him failed and he was then pronounced dead..

A lot of groups had come to visit him and write our home visit report including my own group.

He lived in Balok, Kuantan in a single storey-wooden kampung style house. His house was built next to a two-storey bungalow belonging to his uncle if I'm not mistaken. Next to it, his house looked like a shack. To get to his place you had to drive next to Muslim cemetery (which hada graffiti painted to its entrance wall saying "Jalan Rempit"). You can't see his house from the road. The first time we went we didn't really believe it was a house. The patient lived alone with his mother. His father had passed away a long time ago. His siblings mostly lived elsewhere raising their own families and working. The patient didn't have his own transportation and relied on his brother who came quite seldom to bring him for his checkups. His income mainly came in the form of contributions from his family members. His mother is unemployed and spent most of her time caring for his debilitated son.

He was a sporting chap. Not to say lively but humble and responded to us well despite having seen many students before us whom I'm sure had asked the same thing over and over. From the outside he didn't looked depressed. But when I asked him how he felt during one of our chats, he did indeed felt sad for his condition (which might be an understatement). I cannot imagine going through a debilitating illness at his age. He was as a friend rightly said, was a fighter surviving as long as he did.

A friend and I along with Dr Samsul and his wife went to visit the family just about an hour ago. I'm not sure if that'll be the last time I'll ever see the place.

I've been to funerals a few times and it was usually full. When we went there I only counted less than 20. It could be that news did not spread quick enough or relatives were living far away. Dr said that if it were a Dato' people would've flocked and ran to pay respect to him. But who was Abang Zul in this world?

We went inside to have a final look. He looked just the same as before. I felt immensely emotional at the time although we were nowhere related except through religion. After a few more minutes we said goodbye. I could only wonder how the mother felt. It might be for the best for her and her son? Only Allah knows.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think Ive written this something similar about Zul in an older blog post but I guessed I would like to re-highlight the plight of our community and health system.

Poverty is still a major issue in this country.
Education of health is poor.
Health delivery is also still poor.

The way I say it sounds like we live in a poor country. Unlike what we aim to achieve by 2020.

For En. Zul, the fact that he has suffered multiple complications from poorly controlled diabetes reflects the level of health care we have in this country. I am sure this is not an isolated case but just an example of numerous other similar cases of patients without the resources to care for their illness.

I only wish I had the statistics to back my claims but I think reading tabloids and newspaper, just strongly around the rural areas, working in the hospital and district clinic may reveal the reality of our country.

This is indeed pretty sad.

Im not writing this to blame anybody in particular but I think that the community and government is responsible in bringing ourselves out of this sorry state we're in. There will always be something we can contribute. Being an idealist, I believe that small things when done in large amount by a lot of people can make a mountain move. This can only happen when people are conscious of their surroundings and have the conscience to help make a difference.

I'm in a way grateful that my exposure during my medical training had helped a bit in opening my eyes and Im sure it will be opened wider still when I start working. Ive been talking a lot but have I initiated any real actions? I do hope that in the future when I've started working that I can make that difference though the road there will never be smooth and there will always be tribulations.

Meanwhile I can only pray and hope for the best for ALL of us.

New Perspective

Recently I went to Bro Shah Kirit's talk on Comparative Religion and was wowed by his experience and the way he spoke. Am not gonna elaborate what he talked about here but what got me was how much he changed and learned about Islam in the 14 years since he converted.

Having living as a non-Muslim, he has gained something which born-Muslims can never appreciate, the perspective from the other side of the fence. Only by living on two sides was he able to make a comparison between two lives. Actually living it is way better than just observing externally. Being a Muslim now, he, I believe, has come to appreciate the beauty of Islam more than any of born-Muslims have had. And through his experience he is then able to share that perspective with us. The same can be said when I read Muhammad Asad's Road to Mecca.

I believe that as a Muslim, there is a need to be aware of different perspectives that surrounds us. To live within the same society without exploring outside your own comfort zone and learn about the world around us, I believe we will not be able to grow intellectually. I applaud groups like YMP in Malaysia that has attracted Muslims from various backgrounds, race and nations and invited speakers both local and foreign to give that international feel to the group and again share different perspective in things. When I think about this, Islam is indeed powerful in this way as its brother and sisterhood is not bounded by borders of nations but only by a common Belief.

There is a need to incorporate and assimilate what is good as each individual/race/nation has their own certain advantages be it in their culture or way of living, knowledge, technological advancement, way of thinking etc. Only through this cultural exposure and integration can one not only appreciate the purpose of having different races in this world but also build himself in almost every aspect. Even the less likable aspect of a individual/race/nation can be taken as a lesson. Sociology has never been this interesting.

Besides, haven't the Quran in Al-Hujurat 49:13 explained:

"O mankind! We have created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other ..."

So get out! go socialize! travel! join the WoW community! read more books! attend more courses and talks! whatever, learn assimilate grow expand! and then share...

Despite all that, as a Muslim, all that exposure to perspectives should never deviate one from his hold to the teachings of the Quran and the Sunnah. And to strengthen ones knowledge of that requires him/her to continuously search for the truth hence the need to explore and search for that truth.

I hope Insyallah, that my continuing experience in life will further help me expand in wisdom for only a single purpose, to fulfill my responsibility as a better Muslim.

Allah knows best. May we all become better Muslims.

Why QE, KK?

The moment I sent my form to request for my housemanship my fate now lies in God alone.

I only wrote: Queen Elizabeth Hospital, Kota Kinabalu, Sabah. No reasons given.

But I have my reasonS:
- I crave the adventure in a far away place.
- I need to learn to become more independent.
- I need to see people from another place (influence from my month trip to Yogjakarta).
- Higher pay doing my HO in the East.
- Hopefully better chance at performing procedures.
- Being a tertiary hospital, it has a nice mixture of cases and in amount and variability.
- I have seniors over there I can count on to show me the way.
- Ammaar's choice teh same with mine - my link to UIA life.
- I wanna see how Likas Hospital is like and see their pediatric surgery facilities over there.
- I hope it'll be easier to come back after undergoing my stint here.
- Hopefully get to go around some of Sabah's tourist areas (not sure yet if its possible under HOship).
- KK hopefully has foodstuff I need.


Why not Kuching?
Hmm... Ta.

The setbacks I see:
- QE looks ugly externally.
- Homesickness.
- Grounded for more than 3 years.
- Magically charmed by locals (Number 1 reason why most people adviced me against going).
- Losing myself in it all, especially spiritually (most important)

My biggest hope is that I'll gain enough experience while having fun over there (not sure if HOship and fun can be together in the same sentence positively) and apply for Pediatric Surgery subspecialty under IIUM after I'm done with HOship and get to come back early for my next step and the other anticipated next step =) (you know what I mean).


I've performed istikarah for my selection, and if Allah doesn’t think KK is best for me, then I’ll be elsewhere. Hopefully I can live wherever I go :p

Meanwhile I need to research more on the place I’ll be going. Any kind of help or advice is welcomed.

Zombies

Hallux valgus at the mosque

I just hadta write this one as soon as I got back.

Went to the mosque for Asar prayers. I was about to take ablution at the tap outside the mosque but offered to this pakcik instead to take his ablution first. That's when I noticed he hada bilateral hallux valgus, his second toe crossing above his first like when you cross your fingers whenever you lie, and the medial side of where the distal end of his metatarsal bone was grossly swollen although I did not notice any ulcerations or abrasions.

He was your average pakcik, thinning grey hair, wearing horizontal striped collared maroon - white T-shirt and brown pants. He walk this his feet like he was used to it.

I kept thinking, I need to get a picture of his feet! for my own collection.

And what luck! I stood next to him during prayers. That distrupted my concentration (habis tak khusyuk). Kept thinking how could I ask for his consent for me to snap a picture of his feet. This was the worse case I've seen so far, and I'm quite sure this degree of hallux valgus is not very common. I just needed a picture. And a reason to ask for it.

So I completed the prayer. Completed the after prayer doa, and walked with the pakcik. Braved myself to start a conversation.

"Assalamualaikum, pakcik."
"Waalaikumsalam."
"Saya perasan kaki pakcik tu. Pakcik ada pernah jumpe doctor nak tengok?"
"Ape? Jari kaki nih? Pakcik doktor."

Disbelief and dumbfounded. Huh???

"Pakcik doktor apa?"
"Pakcik doktor bedah"

Really thought he was pulling my leg.

"Where do you work at?"
"Kerja kat Jalan Hospital, I'm a senior consultant, plastic surgeon. I'm also with USM's plastic surgery masters program. I was retired but now reserviced."

In that instant, terus cold feet to ask for that consent. Gahahaha!

"Oh. Cause that's the worst case of hallux valgus I've seen."

Pakcik surprised.

"Are you a doctor?"
"No, I'm a medical student"
"Where?"
"Kuantan, with UIA"
"Oh, I've been having this for a long time and it has progressively worsen. Tapi tak sakit ke apa. If tak sakit toksoh kacau."

He walked to his Volvo, me to my Myvi and went our seperate ways.

Aku gelak je sorang2 dalam keta. Didn't even tried asking for the photos.

Macam-macam orang you can meet at the mosque.

(Order of the conversation was based on very poor memory despite the event occuring only a few minutes ago)

Health is God's Grace.

As I write this down, I have no idea as to what title best suit this article. Perhaps I'll have an insight as I go on.

I have a friend. I'm not very close to her but we did go to Yogjakarta together and we undergo pediatrics for a week at Wirosaban hospital and teamworked on a seminar on thalassaemia. She is a big sized woman, very active constantly on the lookout for adventure. She has been to Cambodia for a mass circumcision program and other community activities that I am not aware though I'm sure her, being in the facilitator club has organized a number of moderating programs.

Recently, she was diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma. She requires chemotherapy.

Being a medical student, we're always on a lookout (well not always) for interesting cases or those cases where you happen to read in the textbooks but never seen in real life. In my time doing internal medicine or pediatrics, I could not recall having seen a patient diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma (kantoi x gi ward sgt), most that I've seen are non-Hodgkin's which carries a better prognosis than its counterpart.

Never did I expect it to hit a classmate who has undergone 5 years of medical education with me. She was so near the end but had to take leave for whatever purposes to handle her illness.

A disease, those that you see in the hospital or in the textbook, may hit ANYONE. I most often hear patients saying, "Eh, doktor pon boleh sakit ke?" whenever one of us sniffles. Now one of us has cancer. Being a medical student or doctor does not make you impervious to disease. We are all just HUMAN.

I always imagined what would it be like if I knew I had cancer had my time is borrowed. Would I fervorously study or find out more about the world? Would I become more religious and pray more 'Khushukly?' Would I use whatever time I have to make a difference to the world? Would I perform an act of self-sacrifice and throw myself into a war hoping to die in martyrdom?

Would being terminally ill change someone?

I wouldn't know. I'm not terminally ill.

But seeing my friend a few days ago. She lost weight. She looked tired after her laparatomy done just to take a biopsy sample of the paraaortic nodes. She still haven't undergone her chemotherapy regime yet which will definitely drain even more of her energy. And I have no idea what her psychological state of mind is like.

And when I think about it. I doubt I'll be strong enough to do anything when I'm sick. I falter with even a simple bacterial pharyngitis.

One of a Muslim's right is to be visited when he/she falls sick. In this context I see two important reasons. One, the most obvious is to provide moral support for the sickly. Two, is to remind ourselves that, a lot of times, we can only perform well when we are healthy. And we will never forever be healthy.

Reminds me of Ust Chowdry giving an analogy during the Al-Khauthar course I attended. Why would God make us sick? Why does He send down disaster if He is so Graceful? He has been graceful to provide us health. He is not obliged to forever pour His grace. Whenever He likes, he may just turn off His Grace. Although even that to those who are patient and in remembrance will also see that as a Grace, whether its near or farther into the future. Allah knows best.

While His Grace is still turned on, we should attempt to do our best in this life we have been granted. To wait for a life changing event to change us is, to me now, a silly notion. An stupid excuse not to do things RIGHT NOW, AT THE MOMENT!

What has befallen my friend perhaps serve to be a hidden agenda that Allah has prepared not only for her, but those around her. It has certainly in a way remind me of Allah's Almighty power although for how long I shall remain in remembrance I can only pray that I continue to have this insight.

I pray the best of health not only for my dear, friend, but to my colleagues, friends, teachers, my family (who are also mostly ill even if they do not know it), and myself. So that we may strive to improve and do our best in our good health.

Amin.

Peace Be Upon You!

Assalamualaikum
'Peace be upon you'

It was just then while I was jogging uphill (xde connection ape2) that the thought occurred to me. Coolnye greeting ni.

Contemporary greets include:

Hi
Hey
How are you?
Oi
Wei
Yo
How you doin?
Sup
Waddup
Dude
Dude!
Eya.........

But when you utter assalamualaikum to a brother or a sister, you're sorta saying

I hope you're at peace (with whatever).
I hope you are well.
I hope things go well for you.
I hope you're doing okay.

Even if the person is not at peace, you're wishing peace for him.

In other words, you are making doa for him/her.

What is a better greeting than that? Than wishing someone the best?

And what is a better respond than Waalaikumsalam? Same meaning only you put an 'and'. Its only courteous for the other person to wish the same for the other person.

Masyallah how the Muslim way of life wishes the best for their brothers and sisters.

So what's stopping us from making this a daily natural greet?

Is it too long to say? Too cumbersome? Too uncool? Too sqema? Too Islamic? Or not too up-to-date?

Or we just don't want peace with the other dude?


And Waalaikumsalam.

Resolutions

Weekly things to build me up

One step at a time

1. Eat when hungry, stop before being full.
2. Be there on time, be out on time.
3. Take notes, review notes.
4. Control desire.
5. See mentor once a week.

Travel

I've only finished the second chapter of Muhammad Asad's Road to Mecca when I felt this inspiration to see the world. The late Mr Asad, raised ina Jewish family (granddad wasa Jewish tho I dont remember what they called it) converted to Islam and traveled to the sandy desert East where Islam originated, in the heart of the land where nothing is the only thing that should be available.

Lemme tell you I dont usually read autobiographies. I always had this preconception that autobios were boring except fictions that are made up into autobios (tho I think a lot of the celebrity autobios are mostly made up them fakers [then again ima faker too]).

But reading Asad's journey from his lavish upbringing in Poland to hardship in Germany in attempting to become a top journalist and then ending up as a Muslim and braving desert storm while almost dying as a result made me feel like Im in his shoes. Like Im there. Traveling. And Mr Asad never forgets to comment on his thoughts during his adventure, and of his prevailing society and culture at the time.

He is a lucky man to have not only seen alot but to be inspired by it, to have thought as he traveled.

It's only when u get out of ur comfort zone then you realize how much more there is beyond. Mr Asad made me regret that during my travels in the last (how old am I?) I did not observe, learn, ponder as much as I should as I go (went).

"If water stands motionless in a pool it grows stale and muddy, but when it moves and flows it becomes clearer..."

This was one of the quotes I obtain from his book. It does ring a certain wisdom init. Tho in my case im still stale and muddy even as I move. I did not see what should be clear, that eveything is everywhere! If only I opened my eyes...

I, like Asad, am relatively lucky as well to be able to travel.

Some of the places ive been to (not in any particular order):

• Malaysia: All states except Perlis
  
• Singapore
• Indonesia: Jakarta, Yogjakarta
• Australia: Melbourne, Sydney, Gold Coast
  
• USA: New York, Florida, Washington DC, St Louis
• Saudi Arabia: Jeddah, Madinah, Mecca
• Japan (ni x kira mase kicik)

Not many places but still relatively lucky compared to others who's never even been out of the state (ok that MIGHT be an exaggeration).

Despite having been to alot of places, I regret that I did not assimilate enough from each of these places (tho perhaps I did), did not learn languages culture history people (perhaps I did tho very little), did not ponder (perhaps I did, after years Ive came back).

Pfft, I dont need to go that far to learn I suppose. There's still alot in KL that I have yet to venture, still more in Bukit Damansara that I have not yet seen, and alot more in my own garden...

Have I not noticed how beautiful the flowers growing in the garden are? Red, determined. The papaya and pine trees that used to be in front is not there anymore? The shrub that I used to jump over when I just learned to jump is not there anymore? Garden replaced by unused pipes and taps for...???

And then there are books like those of Asad's where you can travel by not traveling. Like virtual reality in your own mind, imagining words read come to life or at least as close to it as possible. If all that's considered traveling, then Ive been to Libya, Turkey, USA so many times, Afghanistan, Germany, UK, Coruscant, Correlia, the Outer Rim, Tatooine, Dominaria, Middle Earth and mane2 ta.. And there's the Internet.

Many places Ive been (INI PON KO KATE BANYAK?).

Yet infinitely soooooooooo many more to see.

I gotta get out more. I gotta SEE more.

Really SEE.

FEEL.

GROW.

Anybody wanna grow feel see with me? Help Wanted.

......

Lazy Writing

You always have thoughts of what you'd like to write on a blog:

Your day today,

That experienced you had watching an IVDU patient going into hypovolumic shock after an MVA and the lack of hope for saving him,

What you thought about as you read a book, and how it relates to you, the world and how true or bullshit what the author writes,

What comes to your mind about how purposeless New Year Resolutions are and why it's better to stay indoors,

Review on a movie (watch Avatar in 3D, man...),

Commentaries on Muslims today and how to fix it, and how hypocritic you actually are after making these commentaries,

What a fucked-up day you had (nuff said),

Poetry,

That memory you had when you were still an infant and saw how small the world actually is,

What you bought at the shopping mall today (or what you wasted your money on),

How lucky you are (so far) that you are disease free, while you realize that no one is ever actually free from disease,

How pretty the sky looked tonight,

How pretty you look tonight,

A list of things to do when you return (home and Kuantan or wherever you wish to go),

How love works in a funny way (though most times not very funny, more of depressing),

and many many many many many more thoughts.


So why don't you (I) write it? Bcuz you lazy. and no mood one..
So why do you (I) write it? Not lazy and inspired...

Why do people blog? Explore, and see for yourself.