Thursday, November 26, 2009

Of Material Things

Was with Ma in a tour of duty ferrying her from her office in Jalan Duta to Hartamas to TTDI to Bangsar to Granma's in Ampang to Putrajaya.

It was at Bangsar (Bangsar Village to be exact) when I was faced with difficult choices. What to buy... ?

- Paramore's Brand New Eyes album? (RM39.90)
- Micheal Critchton's Pirate Latittudes (RM69.90)
- Stephen King's Under the Dome (RM89.90 pretty cheap for a very thick hardcover which can kill with a good whallop)
- A brand new Aliens series (RM16.90 x 3. Dunno how long I havta wait for the ramainders)
- Save for marriage (~RM30-50K. Whenever that will be)

Except for the last, the rest are all material stuff which is really not a matter of life or death. I can live without them and others too... It was only this morning when I saw beggars lined up waiting for whatever crumbs of alms they are able to recieve did I realized how materialistic I am.

While I thought of getting comic books and CDs, they thought of how to survive the day, how to feed their malnourished, FTT (failure to thrive) kids.

Masyallah. I always thought myself as being one of the least materialistic among my colleagues (I dont really care about car brands, clothing, techs, big houses, whatever) but mebe I was wrong. I am materialistic in my own way. In a very insignificant way.

Allah has been graceful to provide me with necessities and more. And yet I failed to realize that I WANT more which others are very much deprived of. I don't need all these things I listed. Why am I bound to all these needless things? Why are we bound to our desires? Why don't we instead share our resources with others who are less fortunate or better yet use our resources to pool for a greater achievements for the ummah? Why don't we invest in the construction of a better society which needs the resources rather than spending them on novels, music and CDs that only satisfy my own useless lust, large conglomerates and entertainers (Micheal Crichton's dead btw) already full pockets?

In the end yesterday I did become materialistic and conceded to my lust by buying:

- A pirated Silent Hill: Homecoming game for PC (RM15)
- and 2 crossaints and a wholemeal grain bread at a swedish bakery (~RM15)

Ok the last wasn't materialistic sangat.

I guess we all need to sacrifice not just livestock this Raya Adha, but we also some of our inner lust for materialistic stuff that will not benefit us at all for whats to come at our END.

edited. full of grammatical errors it hurts.

My History of Public Speaking

Ima shy guy. Betul!

Almost social phobic. Yeah Ive talked abit in front of people sometimes tho it was never easy and still not. Here're events which sorta changed my life. I owe to all the people mentioned and alot more not mentioned for making me who I am today. Allah bless them all.

Chronology of public speaking events (whichever I remembered and had special meaning to me):

1998- 2002 (Secondary school):
History presentation with En Sirajuddin (Disciplinary cum history teacher who pinch butts and spears in between whenever students were naughty), gave me encouragement after I stutter, stammer, laughed without being able to get a word out of my mouth everytime I presented. "Molek ar tu, mu present". The next teacher, an Indian history teacher (she slaps people man tho shes actly kind. Tough discipline) screamed to me when same thing happened,"Oy! Nak present present ar betul-betul!" That particular event stuck with me til today. I was partially cured from my social phobia.

Not really a public speaking event but more of a culture night during a KRS event in school. I directed a play and acted as well. Dont really remember what it was about but it was certainly funny and people liked it. I remembered becoming a weather man and rolled on stage after being blown by a hurricane and holding up a placard "untuk tontonan umum, hanya untuk tontonan masyarakat" and acting all silly. Most of all I remembered winning best group acting. People enjoyed it. Thanks to this kakak which I really tak igt name (tho I remembered people hated her cuz shes sooo sqema but I am indebted to her).

2003-2004 (IIUM Matriculation):
My personal renaissance? List of events that changed my life in Matric:

Becoming an MC for a LEADTRAIN function.
I guess that was my first public speaking event which later lead me to become MC for several other events (tho never really improved :p ). But that little moment behind the podium shot me to some sort of popularity in Matric. That's what some people say anyway.

Joining the Debate Club
I remembered this one very well. I was on the way to the chess club AGM. Amirul ajak gi debate AGM. "Cmon, ar Harta, ramai awek cun." I saw one and was convinced. Debate has been my training ground tho I was never good at debating (or arguing pon) but it did in some way help build my confidence. Muawwiz and Farhan also spurred and built my confidence in alotta ways.. Since then participated in some events and became a trainee adjudicator at an AUDC competition where I met 'you'....

My first debate
I don't really remember what happen tappi akku rase Amir kut was responsible for recruting me to become a speaker (2nd speaker) for the medic team. I sorta remember the motion was Space exploration is a waste of resources. I remembered Aliah (was in Sciencess during that time) was my opponent. Giler aggresive die tu! Ive never debated before and had crowds cheering ape2 je nonsense that came out of my mouth. To bad Aliah, I didnt take ur POI. But you went on to win second place anyway.

Organizing public speaking competition during RAFEST
To start the ball rolling to get people to participated, I talked nonsense on stage in the people ofa crowd (yang hopefully sibuk shopping to notice). Kenape ar aku buat benda2 yg tahape2. At the same time me and Jus responsible for the MEDCY stall.

Directing Interkulliyah Dean's Cup debating competition.
Being the boss puts me in position to talk in front of people yet again. I remember the drama I incited when announcing the results for those qualifying for the finals. PoYo gak ar I admit. I dont remeber giving a speech at the finals tho... But I DO remembered me meeting someone and having a brief brief 'affair'.

2004-2009 (IIUM Kulliyah of Medicine)

I remembered paticipating in a public speaking event for a compulsory curriculum event. Tho that was a bad memory. I remembered talking nonsense again and Aliah winning first prize. But she was really good. Everyone was, Abdul Rahman, Atiyah, and that Nursing student dude.

Besides that presented in alotta seminars and presentations at classroom level.

Eventually I learned to suck it up and ask questions in class without much shame. First in classes. Then later in bigger conferences and symposiums. This is a very big step for me to be braver and more confident tho everytime before I go up to the mike, I have those nervous palpitations and anxiousness but what the hell.

Latest achievement was when I volunteered with Atiyah to present an Islamic input class. It was well recieved Dr Samsul was impressed. Owed alotta people for that.


The Triple-I committees have asked me to become a moderator for one of their forums. Ive never done this before but somehow Id like to try take this challenge. Bile lagi? Ill be graduating soon. When all these activities Ive done in the past will be just memories. Or catalysts that had prepared me for more things to come (research presentations in an international forum? parlimentary debates? or just simple daawah?)


Alhamdulillah these events have help build who I am today, one who is braver and more confident than before. However despite all this I doubt that Ima influencial speaker nor do I admit that I have overcome stage fright totally. But I ahve certainly improved but only with practice..

I guess in my future line of work, public speeches are necessary. Im gald I had the opportunity to have all these experience to help build myself. Theres still so many things I need to work on. Me being a moderator will hopefully with the grace of Allah be yet another experience that will help catapult me into excellence.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


I was at the 8th floor of the hospital and looked out the veranda. I never knew that Kuantan was so beautiful.

After the bleak darkness, it seems that the rain decided to rest for awhile from its continuous weeping and causing difficulties in some part of Malaysia (cry me a river - or flood). But betul! Kuantan nampak lawa giler! I don't know why I haven't noticed this before. I could see rows of houses and shop houses, a few mosques, the Kuantan river and the ocean in the distance.

And I was damn confident that I could play ball today!

So wrong I was.

Came back at 5pm, tukar baju (sluar masih busuk) and bukak pintu. HAaAaAih!!


But a bad decision came upon me. I drove to IMC anyway HOPING! that it wouldn't rain there. I guess I was hoping for an invisible umbrella covering holy IMC. Pfft. Drove there and macam lebat giler!

So I drove back. Tido jap, Atiyah cakap da x hujan. And I was feeling restless. So I got up, drove back to IMC, and shot a few hoops. Sangat unsatisfying.. Aku rase bangang and sedih with my poor poor shots. Most air balls. Blame the slippery ball and court.

Oh well. At least adela a few drips of sweat on me. Still alotta fat tho.

Now, Im contemplating whether to stay at home or pegi ward. Tho Im really unsure for what reasons... Knape aku malas ni?

Wana go home and be more rajin. What wishful thinking!

kenape ar aku cite benda yg x membantu? Next blog somethin more thought provoking I hope.


Sunday, November 22, 2009

8 Mirrors

Inspired when I stood there just watching myself (?). 8 mirrors surrounded me. And I wondered...

8 Mirrors

I stood
And they stood
In line
Surrounding, facing
Infinite similarities

Examining, exposing
Defects and imperfections
At all angles
And it repeats, repeats
For all to see

Speeches in this room
Just echoes
They know
What I’m about to say
Is of insignificance

Are they me?
These familiar strangers
Just carbon copies?
Only mockeries?
Am I me?

Break free!
Break the mirrors!
Away from this curse
Make myself
Anew once again!

Leave the shards
Just to see a bit
Of what’s left behind
Repeats, over and over

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Going Half Circle.

Already half way through medical school.

New resolutions. New Actions.

Break activities:
- Bond with mommy
- Bond with family
- Attended Da Vinci Exhibition
- Bought The Girl Who Played With Fire
- Attended Lord of the World Course
- Watched Inglorious Basterds
- Started Sex Edu Fair Proposal
- Contemplating on life and studies

Thoughts without action is nothing. Doing without thinking is useless.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Restart. Standing Tall.


After more than six months of absence (too long), I'm inspired to write again (thanks to a certain someone).

Exam Psych finished. 3 more posting to go.

Chat with Dr Umeed (After my long case):


"Any last question?"
Your advice doctor for later...?
"Is there anything that is resisting you from working harder... Besides your sleep problem? Have you ever gotten a 54 in previous exams.."
"You're an intelligent student, the questions you asked, you have potential for a distinction. But you are like the Pakistani Cricket team. You need to be more consistent."

He is right. I haven't been studying near the exams as much as I needed to. I am aware that I do have potential in doing better and being the best. However I'm just not doing it.

I'm going to do what I just told my mentees (I don't like the term, need to think of something else) in the afternoon.

1. Reexamine
2. Restructure
3. Execute
4. Repeat 1

I pray for my lecturers. They are crucial in building me. It's up to me to not let myself crumble to ruins and stand tall.