Saturday, December 12, 2009

Always a second chance...

Sometimes (actly alot of times), you screw-up something, you hesitate, and your window close. There are even times when you KNOW what your about to do will cause regrets later on. But humans being lustful creatures hava hard time suppressing whatever beastly drive they have inside themselves despite knowing that what their about to do is only detrimental to themselves..

And during these times, you just need God to intervene.

And alot of times He does. Example: making you late to catch that train, your Internet disconnecting on you, you car breaks down, you're called to do something else, someone crahes in on you that you just hadto stop watever evil deeds ur about to do.

When these things happens, you need to be grateful for these events and take that opporunity to gather your mind and look back at that folly you're about to commit.

Biggest folly if you waste that second chance... And by then, nobody to blame but .


I hope nobody reads this one. Better come up with another post to bury this one.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Tribute to Dr. Rafidah and Dr. Nora

I didn't really do justice with the farewell speech last Friday.

It was too impromptu (like I would've prepared given more time :p ).

Here's a better script:

Assalamualaikum wrt,

I am indeed very much honoured to be given the opportunity to give a farewell speech to both Asst. Prof. Dr. Rafidah Hanim Mokhtar and Asst. Prof. Dr. Nora Mat Zin who have both been very dear teachers throughout my medical school. Both have contributed a lot to my own personal developement in this school as I am sure have they been for others as well.

Some of the personal contributions Dr Rafidah made for me:
- Physiology teacher, especially in renal physiology (still a blur to me :p), as well as the cerebellar function.
- Mentor during my 1st year.
- Advisor for the Ummatic Week in my first year (I was holding the director position).
- Trainer and organizer for the Physiology quiz I and my colleagues participated that brought us to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah.
- And being a good advisor and counsellor for the extra-curricular marriage course.

And Dr Nora:
- Helped us to go all the way to Singapore for the AUDC debate championship (well, Kak Mi yang bawak the matriculation group but that was when I knew Dr. Nora, or rather when she KNEW [psychiatrically] me).
- Been my personal psychiatrist and advisor (although I still haven't gotten my meds :p )
- All the psychiatric lectures (sexual disorders the most interesting, as well as childhood psychiatric disorders).
- Bringing us to court to watch her proceeding with a case.

As a presentative to not only my batch, the 9th batch of IIUM Medical graduates, but also representing my junior batches as well, I would like to congratulate and bid farewell to both doctors for their outstanding contributions to students and the IIUM medical faculty. IIUM is very much honoured to have such wonderful individuals to help nuture future doctors and contribute towards the vision and mission of the university as well as to the rise of the Ummah. It is unfortunate indeed that both are unable to continue their contributions here in IIUM.

I would like to thank both doctors and hope that they shall pray for our success as we shall surely pray for theirs in whatever they pursuit, which is no doubt for the beneficience of the Ummah. May Allah bless all their efforts and their family. Though, far they may be, I am very confident that both doctors will not forget us and will gladly lend a hand when their counsel is sought in the future.

Thank you.

Ok, mebe not better but hope that'll do.


Thursday, November 26, 2009

Of Material Things

Was with Ma in a tour of duty ferrying her from her office in Jalan Duta to Hartamas to TTDI to Bangsar to Granma's in Ampang to Putrajaya.

It was at Bangsar (Bangsar Village to be exact) when I was faced with difficult choices. What to buy... ?

- Paramore's Brand New Eyes album? (RM39.90)
- Micheal Critchton's Pirate Latittudes (RM69.90)
- Stephen King's Under the Dome (RM89.90 pretty cheap for a very thick hardcover which can kill with a good whallop)
- A brand new Aliens series (RM16.90 x 3. Dunno how long I havta wait for the ramainders)
- Save for marriage (~RM30-50K. Whenever that will be)

Except for the last, the rest are all material stuff which is really not a matter of life or death. I can live without them and others too... It was only this morning when I saw beggars lined up waiting for whatever crumbs of alms they are able to recieve did I realized how materialistic I am.

While I thought of getting comic books and CDs, they thought of how to survive the day, how to feed their malnourished, FTT (failure to thrive) kids.

Masyallah. I always thought myself as being one of the least materialistic among my colleagues (I dont really care about car brands, clothing, techs, big houses, whatever) but mebe I was wrong. I am materialistic in my own way. In a very insignificant way.

Allah has been graceful to provide me with necessities and more. And yet I failed to realize that I WANT more which others are very much deprived of. I don't need all these things I listed. Why am I bound to all these needless things? Why are we bound to our desires? Why don't we instead share our resources with others who are less fortunate or better yet use our resources to pool for a greater achievements for the ummah? Why don't we invest in the construction of a better society which needs the resources rather than spending them on novels, music and CDs that only satisfy my own useless lust, large conglomerates and entertainers (Micheal Crichton's dead btw) already full pockets?

In the end yesterday I did become materialistic and conceded to my lust by buying:

- A pirated Silent Hill: Homecoming game for PC (RM15)
- and 2 crossaints and a wholemeal grain bread at a swedish bakery (~RM15)

Ok the last wasn't materialistic sangat.

I guess we all need to sacrifice not just livestock this Raya Adha, but we also some of our inner lust for materialistic stuff that will not benefit us at all for whats to come at our END.

edited. full of grammatical errors it hurts.

My History of Public Speaking

Ima shy guy. Betul!

Almost social phobic. Yeah Ive talked abit in front of people sometimes tho it was never easy and still not. Here're events which sorta changed my life. I owe to all the people mentioned and alot more not mentioned for making me who I am today. Allah bless them all.

Chronology of public speaking events (whichever I remembered and had special meaning to me):

1998- 2002 (Secondary school):
History presentation with En Sirajuddin (Disciplinary cum history teacher who pinch butts and spears in between whenever students were naughty), gave me encouragement after I stutter, stammer, laughed without being able to get a word out of my mouth everytime I presented. "Molek ar tu, mu present". The next teacher, an Indian history teacher (she slaps people man tho shes actly kind. Tough discipline) screamed to me when same thing happened,"Oy! Nak present present ar betul-betul!" That particular event stuck with me til today. I was partially cured from my social phobia.

Not really a public speaking event but more of a culture night during a KRS event in school. I directed a play and acted as well. Dont really remember what it was about but it was certainly funny and people liked it. I remembered becoming a weather man and rolled on stage after being blown by a hurricane and holding up a placard "untuk tontonan umum, hanya untuk tontonan masyarakat" and acting all silly. Most of all I remembered winning best group acting. People enjoyed it. Thanks to this kakak which I really tak igt name (tho I remembered people hated her cuz shes sooo sqema but I am indebted to her).

2003-2004 (IIUM Matriculation):
My personal renaissance? List of events that changed my life in Matric:

Becoming an MC for a LEADTRAIN function.
I guess that was my first public speaking event which later lead me to become MC for several other events (tho never really improved :p ). But that little moment behind the podium shot me to some sort of popularity in Matric. That's what some people say anyway.

Joining the Debate Club
I remembered this one very well. I was on the way to the chess club AGM. Amirul ajak gi debate AGM. "Cmon, ar Harta, ramai awek cun." I saw one and was convinced. Debate has been my training ground tho I was never good at debating (or arguing pon) but it did in some way help build my confidence. Muawwiz and Farhan also spurred and built my confidence in alotta ways.. Since then participated in some events and became a trainee adjudicator at an AUDC competition where I met 'you'....

My first debate
I don't really remember what happen tappi akku rase Amir kut was responsible for recruting me to become a speaker (2nd speaker) for the medic team. I sorta remember the motion was Space exploration is a waste of resources. I remembered Aliah (was in Sciencess during that time) was my opponent. Giler aggresive die tu! Ive never debated before and had crowds cheering ape2 je nonsense that came out of my mouth. To bad Aliah, I didnt take ur POI. But you went on to win second place anyway.

Organizing public speaking competition during RAFEST
To start the ball rolling to get people to participated, I talked nonsense on stage in the people ofa crowd (yang hopefully sibuk shopping to notice). Kenape ar aku buat benda2 yg tahape2. At the same time me and Jus responsible for the MEDCY stall.

Directing Interkulliyah Dean's Cup debating competition.
Being the boss puts me in position to talk in front of people yet again. I remember the drama I incited when announcing the results for those qualifying for the finals. PoYo gak ar I admit. I dont remeber giving a speech at the finals tho... But I DO remembered me meeting someone and having a brief brief 'affair'.

2004-2009 (IIUM Kulliyah of Medicine)

I remembered paticipating in a public speaking event for a compulsory curriculum event. Tho that was a bad memory. I remembered talking nonsense again and Aliah winning first prize. But she was really good. Everyone was, Abdul Rahman, Atiyah, and that Nursing student dude.

Besides that presented in alotta seminars and presentations at classroom level.

Eventually I learned to suck it up and ask questions in class without much shame. First in classes. Then later in bigger conferences and symposiums. This is a very big step for me to be braver and more confident tho everytime before I go up to the mike, I have those nervous palpitations and anxiousness but what the hell.

Latest achievement was when I volunteered with Atiyah to present an Islamic input class. It was well recieved Dr Samsul was impressed. Owed alotta people for that.


The Triple-I committees have asked me to become a moderator for one of their forums. Ive never done this before but somehow Id like to try take this challenge. Bile lagi? Ill be graduating soon. When all these activities Ive done in the past will be just memories. Or catalysts that had prepared me for more things to come (research presentations in an international forum? parlimentary debates? or just simple daawah?)


Alhamdulillah these events have help build who I am today, one who is braver and more confident than before. However despite all this I doubt that Ima influencial speaker nor do I admit that I have overcome stage fright totally. But I ahve certainly improved but only with practice..

I guess in my future line of work, public speeches are necessary. Im gald I had the opportunity to have all these experience to help build myself. Theres still so many things I need to work on. Me being a moderator will hopefully with the grace of Allah be yet another experience that will help catapult me into excellence.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


I was at the 8th floor of the hospital and looked out the veranda. I never knew that Kuantan was so beautiful.

After the bleak darkness, it seems that the rain decided to rest for awhile from its continuous weeping and causing difficulties in some part of Malaysia (cry me a river - or flood). But betul! Kuantan nampak lawa giler! I don't know why I haven't noticed this before. I could see rows of houses and shop houses, a few mosques, the Kuantan river and the ocean in the distance.

And I was damn confident that I could play ball today!

So wrong I was.

Came back at 5pm, tukar baju (sluar masih busuk) and bukak pintu. HAaAaAih!!


But a bad decision came upon me. I drove to IMC anyway HOPING! that it wouldn't rain there. I guess I was hoping for an invisible umbrella covering holy IMC. Pfft. Drove there and macam lebat giler!

So I drove back. Tido jap, Atiyah cakap da x hujan. And I was feeling restless. So I got up, drove back to IMC, and shot a few hoops. Sangat unsatisfying.. Aku rase bangang and sedih with my poor poor shots. Most air balls. Blame the slippery ball and court.

Oh well. At least adela a few drips of sweat on me. Still alotta fat tho.

Now, Im contemplating whether to stay at home or pegi ward. Tho Im really unsure for what reasons... Knape aku malas ni?

Wana go home and be more rajin. What wishful thinking!

kenape ar aku cite benda yg x membantu? Next blog somethin more thought provoking I hope.


Sunday, November 22, 2009

8 Mirrors

Inspired when I stood there just watching myself (?). 8 mirrors surrounded me. And I wondered...

8 Mirrors

I stood
And they stood
In line
Surrounding, facing
Infinite similarities

Examining, exposing
Defects and imperfections
At all angles
And it repeats, repeats
For all to see

Speeches in this room
Just echoes
They know
What I’m about to say
Is of insignificance

Are they me?
These familiar strangers
Just carbon copies?
Only mockeries?
Am I me?

Break free!
Break the mirrors!
Away from this curse
Make myself
Anew once again!

Leave the shards
Just to see a bit
Of what’s left behind
Repeats, over and over

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Going Half Circle.

Already half way through medical school.

New resolutions. New Actions.

Break activities:
- Bond with mommy
- Bond with family
- Attended Da Vinci Exhibition
- Bought The Girl Who Played With Fire
- Attended Lord of the World Course
- Watched Inglorious Basterds
- Started Sex Edu Fair Proposal
- Contemplating on life and studies

Thoughts without action is nothing. Doing without thinking is useless.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Restart. Standing Tall.


After more than six months of absence (too long), I'm inspired to write again (thanks to a certain someone).

Exam Psych finished. 3 more posting to go.

Chat with Dr Umeed (After my long case):


"Any last question?"
Your advice doctor for later...?
"Is there anything that is resisting you from working harder... Besides your sleep problem? Have you ever gotten a 54 in previous exams.."
"You're an intelligent student, the questions you asked, you have potential for a distinction. But you are like the Pakistani Cricket team. You need to be more consistent."

He is right. I haven't been studying near the exams as much as I needed to. I am aware that I do have potential in doing better and being the best. However I'm just not doing it.

I'm going to do what I just told my mentees (I don't like the term, need to think of something else) in the afternoon.

1. Reexamine
2. Restructure
3. Execute
4. Repeat 1

I pray for my lecturers. They are crucial in building me. It's up to me to not let myself crumble to ruins and stand tall.

Friday, February 13, 2009

What I did in Penang.

List of things done in Penang (not in order. Tak ingat ar):

1. Makan; Fish and chips at Padang Kota Lama, Fish n chips at Manhattan Fish Market at Queensbay, Steak at The Ship, Ribs at Victoria Station, Subway Cheese steak, Chicken Lasagna sedap giler! Waffle sedap giler! at Gurney Plaza, Aunt Anne's Pretzel, Expensive Italian Ice Cream, Domino's garlic bread, roti telor, tried some oysters, Aunty Linda's super yummy home made bread, Tim Tams chocolates. Milk.

2. Places of Interest; War Memorial, Penang museum, Fort Cornwallis, Esplanade, Toy Museum (Super Uber Coolness!), Tanjung Bungah Mosque, The Ship.

3. Activities; Paint ball with cousins and uncle and his friends.

4. Chill; Ferringhi beach.

5. Money spent; Monster Love (Novel), Fallout Boy (Folie and Deux).

6. Malls went: 3 (Queensbay, Gurney Plaza, Pranginan Mall)

7. Number of times got lost: 16 (not sure how many times exactly but Im pretty sure its around there.

8. Number of different ways I went through to reach the hospital: 4 of 4 days.

9. Oh, and forensic posting :D

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Getting Shot

If you haven't played paintball, go to Tanamera right now in Sungai Buloh and givit a try.

My first time ended me up playing with the pros, where I get eliminated fairly early. Real early.

Tapi main paintball memang cam warzone. The constant lookout for cover behind crates, in the tall grasses proning, behind trees. The relentless barrage of bullets and sounds of shootings like real warzones.

Paintball's a team game. Communication is very important. But overall its fun to play too.

Gonna have another go soon!

But tonight will be shooting some zombies :D

Saturday, January 31, 2009

At Fatty Crab

Thanks to my dear cousin (aunty), Nadra for inviting us to the Fatty Crab establishment.

Semalam aku makan ketam! Along with my brothers and 5 other lady cousins (hehe).

I was disappointed when I saw that we'll be eating at a Chinese restaurant. I thought that if I didn't eat anything else pon at the very least I could have some ice-cream or whatever. I assumed that we're eating at a western restaurant.


But I had a go with the crabs. They were delicious! Unique to get to the meat as well. You need to crack the carapace open with vice and hammer lika damn carpenter, just for a piece at the claw.

Looking forward to more crabs in the future.

Pics nanti aku mintak Nadra.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Turn, turn, turn...

Felt like posting this song....

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to build up,a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time for peace, I swear its not too late

Turn, turn, turn
by the Byrds.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Not Just A Palestinian Issue


was one of the chants made by a few hundreds of IIUM students (mostly the guys) during the Palestinian Rally organized at Medicine Square, IMC Campus, IIUM.

I am certainly proud that my University could at least organize this humble but necessary event, to at least show our support to the Palestinians.

Several prominent students and lecturers, local and foreign alike has had their say in the matter and all were relevant and within context.

Several resolutions has been made which include boycotting, praying for the Palestinians, and disseminating awareness.

I myself would more like to commit to the latter resolution fully. What is needed is knowledge and understanding of the situation. Not just the Palestinian occupation and Zionist agenda, but also about Islam, our way of life, Western world view, and various other issues, past, present, future.

I feel fortunate that I am studying in IIUM. Imagine, having an Islamic University. For Muslims. Just like how it was suppose to be. And I'm lucky that my university is not being bombed like it did in Palestine.

The cruelty of the Zionist have reached unprecedented proportions. Thousands have Syaheed in the land of Gaza. The land of bloodshed and death. 

All the bullshit Israel is selling in the media are nothing but that. Bullshit! There is no such thing as focused fire and specific targeting of militants when cluster bombs are used, when artillery hits mosques, refugee shelters, UN aid workers, and even their own troops! The fact that even Isreali soldiers were killed in 'friendly fire' suggests that what Israel is doing is nothing more than random shootings and destroying Gaza. 

Israel is doing all it can to kill kill kill. International journalists are barred from entering Gaza (for their safety konon), children are killed everyday (they led them into 'shelters' for refuge and then 'accidently' shell the place), even UN workers are not spared (and as a result, these cowards will not send anymore workers for aid until Israel may assure safety, convenient for the Israeli to continue their wanton destruction without having to worry of killing any UN members), and refusing the ceasefire terms tabled by the UN. Meanwhile, bombs and artilleries and airstrikes continue. Children are found with sniper bullet holes in the head.

There is worldwide protests throughout the world. However very shamefully, some of the most strongest support are made by none Muslim governments such as Venenzuela. There are the Arab leaders? What the hell are they doing to help their brothers and sisters in need.

When a brother is sick, the whole body feels it.

Muslims are definitely sick. We require a cure. But self-treatment is the only way to cure this disease. But so unfortunate many do not even realize that they are sick...

Back to the protest made by IIUM students. I agree with protests held. At least its something to show our support. What I personally detest are acts of unprofessionalism. These are like kicking mannequins and causing riots. This is very un-Islamic. I thought being professional is part of being Muslims. And Im not talking of people on the streets. Im speaking of educated, top students!

If any resolutions should be made, these are the most important in my opinion:
  1. Return to Islam, the true teachings of Islam.
  2. Do our best in our studies to elevate the Muslims back to its past status during the Golden age.
  3. Continue support and being aware of what is happening and not end here after the dust settles down, it never will!
  4. Provide whatever help that can be done, monetary aids, spread awareness, praying, and even studying. These are all Jihad! A struggle!
  5. To be the best of Muslims and to help our brothers and sisters to be one too.   
No more late night DOTAs. No more giving excuses. No more procrastinating. 

Like the title says, this is not a Palestinian issue. 

This is a Muslim issue.

We're all responsible for what happens in Gaza. For what is happening to ourselves.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

There Was Death in My House

Yesterday was the 6th day since my dear grandmother passed away.

Since then things went back to normal (on my side at least).

When my mom called that day, telling me to come back if I didn't have anything to do that weekend, instinct told me to just go.

So I went.

After 2 hours of driving in the rain (90% of the way), I arrived home and went straight to the hospital. I managed to see my granma bfo she passed away. She was panting on the CCU bed sitting in a tripod position. She couldn't reply when I called her. But she responded.

As with all deathly scenery, the atmosphere was somber. Emotions ran high. My mother, predicted that she (granma) would go soon. She told us to go home and prep the house.

Sure enough she passed away about 30 minutes later.

My house was converted into a party place in an hour.

The funeral proceedings continued on til Saturday. I was directly involved in the process. From the prep to bathing to transportation to praying to burying.

I learned a lot from this experience.

There was so many cultures intermingling with how we treat the dead. And most are not Sunnah. Positioning the deceased towards the Kiblat, placing the Quran above the head, the Tahlil's, the continuous Tahlil's, siram air bunga.

We also had kids around. I learned how exposure and explanation is necessary.

A few more things occurred that I couldn't mention here. But they were valuable life lessons anyway.

I'll miss my granma. She was nice to all of us and was always the peacemaker in the family. Her lost will be a big hole in our hearts.

I hope that she'll be in a better place now. Insyallah.