Addicted

I'm awake, in a dream,
Clouded, serene,
Silence immense,
Senses intense.

Attempts to resist,
Made temptations increase,
Drawn into the abyss
Of blind sinful bliss

I'm afflicted, addicted,
To words inscripted,
Lost in swirling madness,
Cycling round, vicious.

Guide me out, I wanna go
Back to myself, I once know
Open my eyes to see
The person I ought to be.


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Ronin

Back in Singapore on a debate tour. I followed my fellow debators jalan2. That's when they went around in circles, testing if I would follow.

I did.

I felt a bit embarrassed. Little Zaim couldn't do things on his own.

Fuck that.

I took the MRT to the science museum.

That's how my Ronin travels began...

Now I travel on my own to most places. Armed with a credit card, my own income, and an adventure spirit, I organize my own trips whenever I can usually alone. Sometimes when nobody else around, you feel like you have your own time and you can do things at your own leisure without pressure.

Though I do hope for a travel partner to come join me soon. There's just too much in this world to explore, to venture, to experience... Best done in pairs. And Ronin no more.

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Prayer - Before stepping out the door...

Prayer

O' Allah my lord

Please guide my feet so I walk on a straight path and towards goodness
and not towards ruin
Please guide my hands so that it helps to heal
and not to destroy
Please set my eyes straight on my goal
and not on anything vulgar
Please let my speech sooth
and not hurt
Please let me hear good news
and close out the unpleasant ones
Please clear my mind
and guide me in the choices I make

********

Derailment

So what's up world?

Besides birds, I haven't been keeping up with the lastest news on Malaysia. Or the world.

Waiting for my subscribed The Economists. Any difference or just wasted?

I need to start focusing. This isn't the best time to not be the best.

Must life be routine? Work, bird, sleep, repeat. I'm missing a lot of things here. I know I am. I am keeping my own self locked up and bound. I hold the key to freedom yet I am just too lazy to unlock myself and my potential.

Ramblings wouldn't do much right?

Today: Peripheral Nerves.

_________________

Melayu

Siapakah aku?

Bukankah aku seorang anak bangsa Melayu?

Mengapakah aku masih terkongkong dan terikut-ikut dengan bahasa yang diperkenalkan bangsa asing?

Bukankah aku seharusnya bangga dengan bahasa dan adab bangsa sendiri?

Bukankah itu membentuk identiti aku, siapa aku yang sebenarnya?

Apakah maksud sebenar seorang Melayu?

Adakah ia sepenting sepertimana yang telah disemaikan semenjak zaman persekolahan?

Atau adakah Melayu akan pupus, ditelani waktu dan kuasa yang lebih besar, tidak difahami?

Bolehkah Melayu teruskan hidup di dunia sekarang?

****************

Forget. Again

Always the same
Forgot, forget, forgotten, forgetting
Unintentional or deliberate?
Out of hand or by choice?
New year's vows
Do we need an occasion to change?
Pain and death
Does it need to occur before realizing?
How do we remind ourselves?
That we need to be reminded
Of priorities
Of dangers
Of forgetting.

The Search for Peace.

(Wow! My last post was ages ago. Worry not fans! Zaim's back. Actly I've been updating my bird blog more :p)

**********************

I know where it is, yet I'm still not going there.

It it me or is it the human race, doomed not to follow what is so obvious?

Backtrack.

My day messes up. I don't feel like doing anything. I need a break.
Answer: Baskin Robbin World Class Chocolate.

I'm tired from my work. Need to get away from all this.
Answer: The beach or anywhere with a nice sunset.

I feel lost with my life... Need to clear my head.
Answer: Drive around town (and get lost further)


This is all too familiar for me. Exaggerations? Perhaps with some. Many unquoted examples as my tired brain cells (I just got back from Manukan as I write this) is just too lazy to think of better more realistic examples (x penat pulak coret blog).

Yes, I have been 'getting away from it all' with various means. Now that I am working means that I have more money to 'get away from it all' with style (almost, I still can't afford that trip to New Zealand).

I won't kid myself. I do all this to look for that inner peace.

Who the fuck am I kidding?

I know this is not the way to inner peace.

No matter where you go, what you do, as long as you fail to recognize that inner peace may only be achieved once you believe and take heart that your life is NOT in your hands and you have absolute faith that whatever you do is NOT up to you to mold the outcome, you will never achieve inner peace.

I believe that slice of calm comes when you know that true peace comes after life, after you have built your whole current existence to work towards that end.

Then perhaps... No. I am confident that all the despair, the agony, the pain, will dissipate once you give your life for the best for the end.


Here, have a slice of Sunset. May we all be able to welcome this big orange ball again and again..



Hope we all find that peace we so desperately need. Amin.

*********************