Ronin

Back in Singapore on a debate tour. I followed my fellow debators jalan2. That's when they went around in circles, testing if I would follow.

I did.

I felt a bit embarrassed. Little Zaim couldn't do things on his own.

Fuck that.

I took the MRT to the science museum.

That's how my Ronin travels began...

Now I travel on my own to most places. Armed with a credit card, my own income, and an adventure spirit, I organize my own trips whenever I can usually alone. Sometimes when nobody else around, you feel like you have your own time and you can do things at your own leisure without pressure.

Though I do hope for a travel partner to come join me soon. There's just too much in this world to explore, to venture, to experience... Best done in pairs. And Ronin no more.

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Birthday Wishes and Current Status

Hi Guys,

First of all thanks to dad for the broadband and my bros for coming all the way to bring it here. Aku cam malas nak go shopping and bli satu. So this is indeed a convenience.

So Im back Online!!!

I dont normally celebrate birthdays but this is a record for me in receiving birthday wishes. Tqs guys.

How have I been? Ill try to sum it up.

KK, Sabah is a very nice place to live in. I really really am considering to stay here long term depending on several factors. That is how much KK has an impression on me.

Work wise however is a bit different. The first few weeks especially during tagging I was in depression mode. I didnt know what to do and started to doubt my choice of doing medicine and even considered quitting. It is that stressful or at least for me. But now I kinda get the hang of a few stuff working has become not only tolerable but fun in some cases. I try to keep myself updated by studying online and getting to know interesting cases to share with my other colleague across the sea. KK, Sabah is a hot bed for interesting cases. Here eclampsia is common, and abruption happens everyday. Goiters are so damn huge! And the number of birth per months here is extravagant! last month the hospital broke record of over 1000 over birth. Not sure about other hospitals but it was crazy here.

It's not all work life. Still watch movies, read novels, and go brdwatching and pretty soon outdoors. Sabah provide that kind of opportunity to river raft, jungle trek, caving, or just relax on an island or whatever.

With Allah's blessing Ill try to be the best I can over here and achieve all that I sort to achieve. Right now at this level I am aware that I am weak in many ways when it comes to work and other things but I shall try to improve.

Am not coming back for Raya, though I am coming back for convocation in early October for a few days.

Again thanks guys. Hope to keep in touch!

Still On the Road

Breaks coming to an end.

I've been on the road almost all around Malaysia. With family, friends, mostly alone.

The beauty of Malaysia's ambitious skyscrapers, carpet emerald forests, limestones, and still more roads give me the much needed solace I need. Much needed reflection I desired. Not in the city though, which I so long to escape.

I take off lika bird, spreading wings free. Sometimes nostalgia accompanied me, a lot of times thoughts and sleep. Yes, I sleep along the way. Dreaming of what lies ahead. Dreaming of what I shall become.

And I wondered. What dreams am I trying to achieve with my constant wanderings? Am I on the right track? Or have I derailed?

It was only later near the end of this break I discovered another road I've been walking on. The road to discover my inner self, what my purpose in this world is. It's not that I didn't know, just that I have forgotten, derailed.

I get and got lost along the way. Both roads. I make wrong stops. Bust a tire or two. And things never get easy at times. The road can be harsh when it wants to be. But worst is always when I get lost. And I forget, that when I'm lost, I should refer to a map. Or better yet, ask for directions. 'He' provides good directions. It's a matter of whether we ask for it or not.

Don't be foolish. We need Guidance.

So where's the end?

Death.

We live to die. And live again. Another road awaits us after death.

This life/world/dream we live in is just a means to an end. Our end here.

I don't think it goes on forever. There will be a permanent stop. And by the time we do reach the End, have our journey prepared us enough to face what lies thereafter?

I'm exiting, only to enter a new broad highway. Again this will be a journey of a lifetime. Though how much time I have in my life is unknown. Lifetime is a misnomer. It sounds so long. It's not.

I won't be arrogant.

I'll seek Guidance and Directions along the way.

Because I wanna reach the end gloriously. Or die trying.

IMAM Symposium 2010

I am honoured to be able to participate in this year's IMAM meet. The presence of many prominent figures, IMAM's president, Prof. Dr. Abd Rasheed, Prof. Dr. Hafeez (from PAkistan coming here despite having his mother undergoing surgery at the same time), Prof. Dr. Zabidi, Prof. Dr. Moktar, Prof. Dr. Mohammed Hatta, Prof. Dr. Wan Hazmy and at the end Dato. Prof. Dr. Mohd Tahir. Alot of the HTAA consultants and UIA lecturers were also present including Prof Dr. Mohammed Fauzi, Dr. Fadzil, Dr. Sapari, Dato Zahari, and many more including HOs who are now MOs when I last met them in 3rd year and a Dr coming all the way from Sri Lanka just for the talk and a lot of medical students.

The participation of many prominent figures (I hava feeling I don't know many more tadi that attended) certainly made this event not to be looked down upon. It is a gathering of Muslim doctors in an attempt to discuss/share/promote whatever they have to present to elevate the Muslim physician in order to strive for excellence.

I am sure each has their own obligations at the hospital or wherever but these individuals have demonstrated great charisma and capability to still participate in 'extra-curricular' activities other than their compulsory work.

All these work are a part of their investment for the hereafter. After all, is not sadaqah jariah and knowledge that is used even after death are 2 of the stocks after death where pahala still cashes in?

During my, so far, 2 days of attending some of the talks, most that I went to promoted the importance of activism after undergraduate years. And the speakers have indeed convinced me that it is not only beneficial but must be done in order to better serve the Ummah. The talks had made me rethink my priorities and my objective in this life and the one after. Will working alone, rearing family be enough while I can do much more?

There are just too many things to share and I am quite tired, but one quote I would like to share coming from Prof. Dr. Hafeez:

On no man will Allah place a burden more than he can bear.

"Allah knows your limits but that does not necessary mean that you must not try find out your potential."

It is my hope that I and my friends will strive not only at work later but also do the extra things in order to excel in this life and the hereafter.

Wallahualam.

Why QE, KK?

The moment I sent my form to request for my housemanship my fate now lies in God alone.

I only wrote: Queen Elizabeth Hospital, Kota Kinabalu, Sabah. No reasons given.

But I have my reasonS:
- I crave the adventure in a far away place.
- I need to learn to become more independent.
- I need to see people from another place (influence from my month trip to Yogjakarta).
- Higher pay doing my HO in the East.
- Hopefully better chance at performing procedures.
- Being a tertiary hospital, it has a nice mixture of cases and in amount and variability.
- I have seniors over there I can count on to show me the way.
- Ammaar's choice teh same with mine - my link to UIA life.
- I wanna see how Likas Hospital is like and see their pediatric surgery facilities over there.
- I hope it'll be easier to come back after undergoing my stint here.
- Hopefully get to go around some of Sabah's tourist areas (not sure yet if its possible under HOship).
- KK hopefully has foodstuff I need.


Why not Kuching?
Hmm... Ta.

The setbacks I see:
- QE looks ugly externally.
- Homesickness.
- Grounded for more than 3 years.
- Magically charmed by locals (Number 1 reason why most people adviced me against going).
- Losing myself in it all, especially spiritually (most important)

My biggest hope is that I'll gain enough experience while having fun over there (not sure if HOship and fun can be together in the same sentence positively) and apply for Pediatric Surgery subspecialty under IIUM after I'm done with HOship and get to come back early for my next step and the other anticipated next step =) (you know what I mean).


I've performed istikarah for my selection, and if Allah doesn’t think KK is best for me, then I’ll be elsewhere. Hopefully I can live wherever I go :p

Meanwhile I need to research more on the place I’ll be going. Any kind of help or advice is welcomed.

Travel

I've only finished the second chapter of Muhammad Asad's Road to Mecca when I felt this inspiration to see the world. The late Mr Asad, raised ina Jewish family (granddad wasa Jewish tho I dont remember what they called it) converted to Islam and traveled to the sandy desert East where Islam originated, in the heart of the land where nothing is the only thing that should be available.

Lemme tell you I dont usually read autobiographies. I always had this preconception that autobios were boring except fictions that are made up into autobios (tho I think a lot of the celebrity autobios are mostly made up them fakers [then again ima faker too]).

But reading Asad's journey from his lavish upbringing in Poland to hardship in Germany in attempting to become a top journalist and then ending up as a Muslim and braving desert storm while almost dying as a result made me feel like Im in his shoes. Like Im there. Traveling. And Mr Asad never forgets to comment on his thoughts during his adventure, and of his prevailing society and culture at the time.

He is a lucky man to have not only seen alot but to be inspired by it, to have thought as he traveled.

It's only when u get out of ur comfort zone then you realize how much more there is beyond. Mr Asad made me regret that during my travels in the last (how old am I?) I did not observe, learn, ponder as much as I should as I go (went).

"If water stands motionless in a pool it grows stale and muddy, but when it moves and flows it becomes clearer..."

This was one of the quotes I obtain from his book. It does ring a certain wisdom init. Tho in my case im still stale and muddy even as I move. I did not see what should be clear, that eveything is everywhere! If only I opened my eyes...

I, like Asad, am relatively lucky as well to be able to travel.

Some of the places ive been to (not in any particular order):

• Malaysia: All states except Perlis
  
• Singapore
• Indonesia: Jakarta, Yogjakarta
• Australia: Melbourne, Sydney, Gold Coast
  
• USA: New York, Florida, Washington DC, St Louis
• Saudi Arabia: Jeddah, Madinah, Mecca
• Japan (ni x kira mase kicik)

Not many places but still relatively lucky compared to others who's never even been out of the state (ok that MIGHT be an exaggeration).

Despite having been to alot of places, I regret that I did not assimilate enough from each of these places (tho perhaps I did), did not learn languages culture history people (perhaps I did tho very little), did not ponder (perhaps I did, after years Ive came back).

Pfft, I dont need to go that far to learn I suppose. There's still alot in KL that I have yet to venture, still more in Bukit Damansara that I have not yet seen, and alot more in my own garden...

Have I not noticed how beautiful the flowers growing in the garden are? Red, determined. The papaya and pine trees that used to be in front is not there anymore? The shrub that I used to jump over when I just learned to jump is not there anymore? Garden replaced by unused pipes and taps for...???

And then there are books like those of Asad's where you can travel by not traveling. Like virtual reality in your own mind, imagining words read come to life or at least as close to it as possible. If all that's considered traveling, then Ive been to Libya, Turkey, USA so many times, Afghanistan, Germany, UK, Coruscant, Correlia, the Outer Rim, Tatooine, Dominaria, Middle Earth and mane2 ta.. And there's the Internet.

Many places Ive been (INI PON KO KATE BANYAK?).

Yet infinitely soooooooooo many more to see.

I gotta get out more. I gotta SEE more.

Really SEE.

FEEL.

GROW.

Anybody wanna grow feel see with me? Help Wanted.

......

What I did in Penang.

List of things done in Penang (not in order. Tak ingat ar):

1. Makan; Fish and chips at Padang Kota Lama, Fish n chips at Manhattan Fish Market at Queensbay, Steak at The Ship, Ribs at Victoria Station, Subway Cheese steak, Chicken Lasagna sedap giler! Waffle sedap giler! at Gurney Plaza, Aunt Anne's Pretzel, Expensive Italian Ice Cream, Domino's garlic bread, roti telor, tried some oysters, Aunty Linda's super yummy home made bread, Tim Tams chocolates. Milk.

2. Places of Interest; War Memorial, Penang museum, Fort Cornwallis, Esplanade, Toy Museum (Super Uber Coolness!), Tanjung Bungah Mosque, The Ship.

3. Activities; Paint ball with cousins and uncle and his friends.

4. Chill; Ferringhi beach.

5. Money spent; Monster Love (Novel), Fallout Boy (Folie and Deux).

6. Malls went: 3 (Queensbay, Gurney Plaza, Pranginan Mall)

7. Number of times got lost: 16 (not sure how many times exactly but Im pretty sure its around there.

8. Number of different ways I went through to reach the hospital: 4 of 4 days.

9. Oh, and forensic posting :D