My Idols in Medicine

American Idol and all that junk is just bullshit. Not one person in any of the shows I can make an idol of. Mebe Simon for bein loose with his tongue.

List of Drs I've encountered or heard of that I wish to emulate. No names will be mentioned tho you may be able to guess a few:

• Handsome, macho, cool, kind, keeps his team together, encourage open discussions, does what he does because he likes doing it (Peds Surgeon)
• Straight forward. Disciplined. "Wrong." (Colorectal Surgeon)
  
• Encourages doctors to be courteous at all times (Vascular Surgeon)
• Encourages to think and put yourself in a patient's shoes. "What if the patient is your mother? your sister? [man?]" (Upper GI Surgeon/Hepatobiliary Surgeon)
• Invites students to sit and discuss cases (Peds Surgeon)
• Stays kiddy and silly while being professional at the same time (Pediatrician)
• Good handwriting and documentation (O&G)
• Passion to teach, finds students to teach even tho it should be the other way round (O&G, fertility)
  
• Professional and courteous, never forcing a patient against his will (IM, chest team)
• Strive to be the best and attach to students with passion to teach while finding time to watch Anime and TV series (Ortho, Hand Surgeon)
• Encourage students to perform research (Ortho, Arthroplastic Surgeon)
• Encourage Islamic conducts, ethics, and revival of Islamic scholarship and publication (Anesthesiologist)
• Cool, calm, macho (ENT)
• Encourage self confidence, and strive to be the best, as well as perform research (2 opthalmologist)
• Goes back to the community and sacrifice time to help them (Family Medicine)
• Skillful, patient first attitude, couldn't give a damn about hospital policy (Cardiosurgeon, Team Medical Dragon, Peds Surgeon, Saijou No Meii [The Best Skilled Surgeon])
• Other countless Islamic physicians of old and other non-Muslims who dedicated their life for the pursuit of knowledge not only in medicine but in other areas of ilm without knowing the meaning of 'holiday'
  

Some quotes that stuck with me:

• Attitude, attitude, attitude, knowledge
• "Regardless of where you are (be posted) it is you who will make the difference for yourself."
• "Practice - Waking up early."
• "Cover your ass"
• "I have research, commitment to the community, a family, teaching you all. What do you have? And still you sleep."
• "Wrong."
• "Hey! Who do you think you are making me look like a stupid fool! You have to have ethics!"
• "When you see yourself look good, you look good."

I'm sure there's more but these are some I could think of now.

Other stuff:

I just read a bit about Imam Syafie. Despite memorizing the Al-Muwatta kitab, he still traveled and lived with Imam Malik, the writer of the book. By living with his teacher, not only did he learn direct from his but also indirectly by observing his habits and emulating them.

Lessons:

- Don't be arrogant even if you have all the knowledge in the world. because there are still things you don't know and need someone to teach.
- Have an idol and emulate the good things you see in him. Don't be too content with who you are right now.
- When you want something, especially knowledge, you need to sacrifice some of the things in life. Imam Syafie travelled from Mecca to Madinah to find and live with Imam Malik (mind you dulu takde kereta or bus) and he was from Ghazza, Palestine.

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After 5 Years of Med School: Final Professional Exam

I'm having a sense of derealization
(definition: a feeling of unreality of one's surrounding environment. A symptom of panic attack in any panic disorders)

However I'm not anxious or having any panic attacks. Not anymore anyway (not the same can be said for the last few days tho).

I can hardly register that my 5 years of medical education is coming to an end. That the dreaded final professional exams has passed. And that I will be leaving for work, and with it a new life in a few weeks time.

It's been one hell ofa ride. This is my attempt at making a postmortem of my recent Professional Exam which supposedly evaluates your knowledge, understanding, experience, throughout 5 years of medicine.

First the bad: My final exam in medical school sucked big time.

Being the final exam, I was hoping that I could perform my best, you know like going out with a bang, making it my best exam performance whether it led to a distinction or not. But my finals were far from it.

It only took the revision period to reveal how little I knew of medicine. And disappointment sets in. Before that I was enveloped in a grandiosity that I could overcome anything that came to me during exams. Pretty unrealistic.

Exam day came. I started my first PMP with anxiety. Could not sleep the night before and made a mistake that I do not wish to disclose here but suffice to say, I had a heavy head that morning and couldn't think right. Tho I doubt if it would change my answers right. PMP from the first to the last (esp the O&G one which was supposed to be doggone easy turned to disaster when I calculated a wrong POA my several weeks as I thought we were now in the month of July!) was wrought with careless mistakes. In short PMP was a disaster.

OSCE wasnt as bad but wasnt as good either, again full of careless mistakes.

And with that my opportunity to 'score' my Pro. Part of me wished I would just failed the whole thing just so I could repeat the 6 months and have another go at it.

I was a wreck that day tho fortunately that didnt last long. I still had hope for MCQ anyways the week after. I always thought my MCQs were the best among my theory papers. But I sorely underestimated the Qs. Wasnt a smooth ride either. It didnt help that I didnt sleep the whole night and bcame manic from 4 am onwards, sleeping for 30 minutes at 7am before heading off for exams. I nodded of at the 50+ Q. Seriously I heard voices (hypnogogic hallucinations)and almost responded to them in the middle of exams!

Then to top it all of: clinical exams, the mother of all final exams, the one that really determines whether you pass or not.

My anxiety fluctuated while waiting for my time to come. Ironically though, When my time came for both long case or short case, not a trace of nervousness was present. I was clumsy here and there but never anxious. The presence of 4 consultants did not deter me. And all questions that I was unable to answer, I could not therefore blame on being nervous. It was simply, I didnt know enough. However this is not to say I didnt screwup my clinicals. I missed dx my long case with Graves Ds, missed a clonus on one side, and funbled a bit on the ovarian mass. Nevermind that there was a whole lot of Qs thrown that I was not able to answer.

At that moment nothing was certain. I could go either way whether a pass or a fail. I had to wait for the next day, to see if I made it or not... Ironically I didnt feel disappointed with myself post clinical exams despite the numerous blunders I have committed. I was too tired too feel disappointed I guess.

So any good points?

Some

Had a nice night swim under the stars the night after the horrible PMP and OSCE.
Bought a book after OSCE and finished it right before clinical exams.
Had fun swimming at Cherating before the final results announcement.

And now being officially a doctor. Yeah, I made it. Somehow.

Despite the many screwups, it only thought me to be more humble with myself and made me realize that theres a damn lot of stuff I didnt know. I just hope and pray that this will then keep me further motivated to be a good houseman later during work..

Medical School is coming to an end. Im sure that this phase of life will be sorely missed, especially when work starts. But life goes on.

The ending of med school only marks the beginning of a new phase of life.

My Good Students

You are my good students
Not because you never drift away
But you keep your track after a drift

You are my good students
Not because you never get lost
But you find your way after a loss

You are my good students
Not because you never make a mistake
But you make correction after a mistake

You are my good students
Not because you never fall down
But you stand up stronger after a fall

You are my good students
Not because you never cry
But you keep your composure after a cry

You are my good students
Not because you are that one-in-a-million person
But because you are ordinary persons with extraordinary attributes


Dedicated to 2010 batch
by Dr. Ahmad Marzuki Omar

....

Medical Manga

The Japs excel when it comes to comics. The quality is not just in the art but in the story and how it affects ones emotions towards the characters or the story as one reads along. If you read some of these, you can also appreciate that a good deal of research has been done to make the description as accurate or seem real enough for readers to believe. There are also some historical references in some of the comics again highlighting the amount of research done to produce these quality comics.

Imagination in the medical world thrives in these comics. Being in the medical field myself these comics help inspire in more than one ways. They also give new ideas to the field, sending a message that anything's possible.

Some of the summary and reviews of some of my favourite medical manga. Most of these can be read in onemanga.com


EMERGING


An outbreak of an unknown hemorrhagic disease breakout in Japan. Japan's CDC gets into action to figure out the cause of this outbreak and attempt to find a cure for this lethal disease. Word of the disease leaks into the media causing widespread panic among the public.

This ones on the public health aspect of medicine. The manga managed to capture the emotions and fear that strikes men when dealing with the unknown. Calm turns to chaos in mere moments. And then politics doesn't make things any easier. It never does.


HEADS


An unfortunate man one day was shot in the head during a bank robbery. He regained consciousness in the hospital to later find out that he had the world's first brain transplant.

Not really a medical manga per say but still interesting enough read. What happens when you have half of your brain taken out to be replaced with another? Will your personality change? Will you become someone totally different? Does your brain make you who you really are? More of a psychological thriller. Still early in the series but the psychological aspect of the story is told nicely so far.


Saijou No Meii (The Best Skilled Surgeon)

This ones about an aspiring young pediatric surgeon (my field!) whom with his skills and dedication attempts to revive a non-profiting peadiatric surgery department in his hospital while inspiring others to follow in his footstep.

As usual, the protagonist has special skills (in this case an ability to see things in 4D perspective) to effectively perform surgery on kids, a demanding surgery. Besides that his caring and charming personality with kids inspires one to do everything you can for a patient. As the protagonist attempts to establish the pediatric department, he has to face opposition from the hospital assistant director who attempts to derail his plans. The comic also provides a lot of historical references, one I like was on the contributions and sacrifices made by doctors in the past in the name of discovery. Has a cute heroine too =)


TEAM MEDICAL DRAGON



Asada, a brilliant surgeon is recruited by young and beautiful Asst Prof to help her finish her thesis on the Batista, a difficult cardiosurgery. Asada takes it one step further to recruit his own team members for the surgery at hand. Competition to take top post in the hospital management is rife and the ones already on top is not about to let go easily.

Like the protagonist in Saijou No Meii, the hero here also has a 'everything for the patient' attitude ,regardless if his decision might cost him his job, or his boss. The assistant professor meanwhile attempts to make her ambition of reforming Japanese health care come true as the current one is rife with feudalism and corruption to the detriment of patients. However to achieve that she has to get to the top first where political maneuvers are necessary. In this one, theres 2 HOT chicks. Reason enough to start reading.



Other medical mangas I haven't read like Black Jack might also be good. I'll be reading manga for a long time to come if the Japs keep up with fresh ideas like they are doing.

Failing Final Professional Exam: So What?

Haha senang aku cakap tapi sebenarnye takut gak fail.

Despite the low prevalence of failures in the past (avg 2 tho I don't have the exact numbers), its amazing how we translate this as us being one of the 1% (failing) instead of the 99% (passing).

What does failure actually means in that overall general perception?

• Starting work later by 6 months?
• Going through more years as a student? without our colleagues.
• Humiliation as others pass?
• Not achieving parent's / teacher's expectations?
• Sitting in the AGD while everyone else celebrate their graduation?
• More time staying in Kuantan?

Really why do we fear of failure for exams?


Can there be a different perception? Could failing means:

• We are not good enough, safe enough and need more time to improve.
• We get to enjoy more of student life for an additional 6 months before the hellish slave work of housemanship we have all heard.
• We get more attention from teachers to better focus on us and teach us more.
• Going through student life again without the trouble of going through seminars, logbooks and all that other burden that we get in addition to studies during usual postings.
• Getting to see more cases and more experience that we might have not come across during the course of our education.
• We get to have more time to share our knowledge and experience with our juniors (provided they trust you).
• We can to spend more time with whoever before being posted to wherever the hell we get.

When looking at a different perspective, failing isn't so bad. It just might make us better. Failures might just need a little more time to mature and grow and that catch-up growth might just help make us better doctors.

But it might not be fair of me to write this as although I've only had a push-up borderline pass for O&G during my 3rd year, I've never actually failed. Only others who have failed and repeated may better understand how it feels.

Having said that am I ready to eat my own words?

I hope we all will do our best for the upcoming exams. It's certainly not the end.

Why QE, KK?

The moment I sent my form to request for my housemanship my fate now lies in God alone.

I only wrote: Queen Elizabeth Hospital, Kota Kinabalu, Sabah. No reasons given.

But I have my reasonS:
- I crave the adventure in a far away place.
- I need to learn to become more independent.
- I need to see people from another place (influence from my month trip to Yogjakarta).
- Higher pay doing my HO in the East.
- Hopefully better chance at performing procedures.
- Being a tertiary hospital, it has a nice mixture of cases and in amount and variability.
- I have seniors over there I can count on to show me the way.
- Ammaar's choice teh same with mine - my link to UIA life.
- I wanna see how Likas Hospital is like and see their pediatric surgery facilities over there.
- I hope it'll be easier to come back after undergoing my stint here.
- Hopefully get to go around some of Sabah's tourist areas (not sure yet if its possible under HOship).
- KK hopefully has foodstuff I need.


Why not Kuching?
Hmm... Ta.

The setbacks I see:
- QE looks ugly externally.
- Homesickness.
- Grounded for more than 3 years.
- Magically charmed by locals (Number 1 reason why most people adviced me against going).
- Losing myself in it all, especially spiritually (most important)

My biggest hope is that I'll gain enough experience while having fun over there (not sure if HOship and fun can be together in the same sentence positively) and apply for Pediatric Surgery subspecialty under IIUM after I'm done with HOship and get to come back early for my next step and the other anticipated next step =) (you know what I mean).


I've performed istikarah for my selection, and if Allah doesn’t think KK is best for me, then I’ll be elsewhere. Hopefully I can live wherever I go :p

Meanwhile I need to research more on the place I’ll be going. Any kind of help or advice is welcomed.